Friday 8.06 p.m.
                         It was a relief to get to the allotment tonight and do some digging. I'm digging up the central path and that's as far as I've planned. Once you've dug up a path there's no path anymore and you'd break your ankle trying to get down there over the lumps and bumps now.
                         You'd wonder what was keeping the mother in law alive. Life. Life doesn't seem to like going away. The poor woman is totally exhausted and can hardly string a sentence together now. She still sleeps an awful lot, and she is not happy. So I sat in her kitchen yesterday and till after one today. She asked me when her girls were coming.
                         Usually, I leave Newmains at the back of eleven so I can go and see the auld maw, but the auld maw is in Wishaw hospital just now. She'll get out soon. She ended up in a bed next to the woman who lived upstairs from us when I was a kid, who was in with the same thing.
                          My meditations this week seemed to hit a new plateau, but I see how amazing it would be to realise non-self and emptiness and think it is so obviously beyond me in my current lifestyle that I thought I should really start writing again.
                          I always wanted to have the chance to write full time and that was what I told myself all through my life when I couldn't do that. I'd like to be a full time writer. However, this desire ebbed over the years of having to go and do a stupid job. The meditations were taking centre stage. When I got an agent, I stopped writing practically altogether, which is the opposite from what you're supposed to do. Anyway, I didn't want writing in my head when I should be meditating, but I think I'll have to consider starting writing again.
                          They won't let you meditate around here, Jack. The phone rings. Flatheids land on you. They used to do that to me when I was writing as well, but if you say you are writing, it is easier to tell them to just fung off.  Anyway, every time I want to write it's because I don't think I got what it takes to do the juju.