11:28 a.m.
Everywhere you look around here, there is chaos and disruption. I'd take a photie of this bedroom now that the computery thing and all have moved in, but the mobile phone doesn't want to take photies anymore.
When all you want is peace and quiet ... I've to strip the wallpaper in the living room over the next couple of days. You don't even have to grin, you just have to bear it.
I did not volunteer for this, Jack. Well, Hotboy, it's just like this. By the time the old dolls only need you to help with the luggage, a lifetime of being a lazy basturn has caught up with them, and their whole bodies seem to be a sea of wrack and ruin, such that they cannot even attempt to do any manual work now, such as stripping wallpaper or climbing up and down ladders. Now we can observe them succumbing to the vapours and being delicate wee flowers. None of this marching up and down demanding equality now!
I think I'm getting into a bit of a bad mood just sitting here!
Anyway, I seem surrounded by grief, sorrow, lamentations .... everywhere you look. Only the terminally ill seem cheerful anymore. Where did all the healthy people go? On Saturday I was a bit distressed to hear that someone I knew from school had died recently ...ni ...ni ... nineteen years old! Fung vale of tears, so it is.
There has also been a fair share of mental chaos caused principally by smoking or not smoking, or being in between smoking and not smoking. That does make you go mad!
My training regime ... I normally train hard about four or five times a week ... has been blown out the window as well. These times are basically a collusion of unfortunate circumstances. These include going to Amsterdam next weekend. Normally, you might look forward to that, but I would look forward to it if the folk I was going with went to Amsterdam and I stayed here.
You have to mine the nuggets of good stuff. Over the weekend I watched a video interview with a guy called Dan Brown who has written a book I must read called The Great Way. And the meditations conitinue to develop and change no matter what else is going on. So if they are going to drive me mad, I'd like this to happen quite soon since going to hospital looks like a bit of a respite from where I'm sitting!
11:13 p.m.
I had a coffee in a coffee shop today, which is a bit unusual for me. Double expresso. I now know the name of a cup of something for the next time. Double expresso. Why would anybody want to sit in a coffee shop?
I was stripping the wallpaper from the double expresso onwards till about half eight. That's a bit of a tricky time. You could go out and buy a few cans of beer for right then. But I've given up drinking, and also smoking, and spend all my time now praising the lord.
Monday 31 October 2011
Friday 28 October 2011
A Wonderful Evening!
1:42 a.m.
The consiglieri knew the boy in the band because he was fixing his roof. The boy is playing a twelve string electric guitar. I do not remember seeing one of them before. They were very good, in a very small venue, and it made me think about performance, and how great it was that they played so excellently in front of so few folk, but I think and assume because they like playing. Such a nice night! The consiglieri isn't mad, and not an alcoholic, and I should spend more time with joes like him.
The consiglieri knew the boy in the band because he was fixing his roof. The boy is playing a twelve string electric guitar. I do not remember seeing one of them before. They were very good, in a very small venue, and it made me think about performance, and how great it was that they played so excellently in front of so few folk, but I think and assume because they like playing. Such a nice night! The consiglieri isn't mad, and not an alcoholic, and I should spend more time with joes like him.
This Lovely Day!
The uploading device for photies wasn't working yesterday, but it is today. Hurrah! Much better frame of mind today. Four nights out of seven at the mother in law's is just too much. Great to have today to meditate in!!! And it is a beautiful day! Must go to the Botanics this afternoon.
Thursday 27 October 2011
A Bad Place!
10:35 a.m.
I took a break from meditating to stick yesterday's photies up here, but the geejaw that blah, blah, blah. To hell with these machines!!
My mind has not been good since I saw Brian Wilson and went and got drunk last Tuesday. Almost all the time I'm in places I don't want to be in, thinking thoughts I don't want to think. This is just my first day back from Newmains and already I have two appointments. I had a hellish time on Tuesday with no nicotine and this should be repeated today ... so I have an appointment for the whole afternoon. I have an appointment on Friday, which should be okay, but I'm sure the flatheided basturns will find more appointments for me before I have to go back to Newmains.
The meditations have been fantastic of course. It's what makes it so frustrating. It would be so easy to make everything wonderful, but I need some space to sort myself out and the flatheids are just not going to let me have it.
I took a break from meditating to stick yesterday's photies up here, but the geejaw that blah, blah, blah. To hell with these machines!!
My mind has not been good since I saw Brian Wilson and went and got drunk last Tuesday. Almost all the time I'm in places I don't want to be in, thinking thoughts I don't want to think. This is just my first day back from Newmains and already I have two appointments. I had a hellish time on Tuesday with no nicotine and this should be repeated today ... so I have an appointment for the whole afternoon. I have an appointment on Friday, which should be okay, but I'm sure the flatheided basturns will find more appointments for me before I have to go back to Newmains.
The meditations have been fantastic of course. It's what makes it so frustrating. It would be so easy to make everything wonderful, but I need some space to sort myself out and the flatheids are just not going to let me have it.
Friday 21 October 2011
And testament!
Friday 6:08 p.m.
The auld maw said she had a premonition and got me to sign my name under the following:
While I am of sound mind, I stipulate to my family that I want to go to a care home when I am not able to care for myself, and I don't want any moaning and groaning about it. I have had a good life and a good family and all I want from the man above is to slip away quietly. I know you will all think I am mad, but this is what I want. Lots of Love, Mother.
There's nobody quite like your maw, is there?
My facebook page showed up as disabled due to me using a false name the other day. What blessed relief for me and all my so called "friends"!
"You're caught in a vicious circle surrounded by your so-called friends." The inimitable Lou.
I've been sending them stuff from my writer's blog and that must be a pain in the neck. Anyway, I'm not going to try and get back on it. I hope. Intermittent reinforcement is for dopes!!
I'm so glad to be back home! I don't want to see anyone before Christmas! Well, I'm going out tonight, but after that!
The auld maw said she had a premonition and got me to sign my name under the following:
While I am of sound mind, I stipulate to my family that I want to go to a care home when I am not able to care for myself, and I don't want any moaning and groaning about it. I have had a good life and a good family and all I want from the man above is to slip away quietly. I know you will all think I am mad, but this is what I want. Lots of Love, Mother.
There's nobody quite like your maw, is there?
My facebook page showed up as disabled due to me using a false name the other day. What blessed relief for me and all my so called "friends"!
"You're caught in a vicious circle surrounded by your so-called friends." The inimitable Lou.
I've been sending them stuff from my writer's blog and that must be a pain in the neck. Anyway, I'm not going to try and get back on it. I hope. Intermittent reinforcement is for dopes!!
I'm so glad to be back home! I don't want to see anyone before Christmas! Well, I'm going out tonight, but after that!
Thursday 20 October 2011
Brian Wilson, his part in my downfall!
8:20 p.m.
Been checking up my statcounter thing and my blogs started in February 2005 and since then I have had just under 40,000 visits. That's about twenty two visits a day.
This is all Brian Wilson's fault. Everything is. I've been working it out since he forced me into yon bar on Tuesday .... and up to then I was doing so well!! Here's a list of Brian Wilson's bad influences.
1) He told me when I was in my late twenties and hadn't mixed with the normal people for a while - hiding and writing, etc. - that he didn't read books, that he couldn't tell the difference between good and bad writing, and that he didn't want to read books because people were just trying to tell you something in them.
2) If you are obsessed with the way the words fall one after the other, this was devastating, but then he started crowing about the clear mind and how he meditated for half a minute a day, then wouldn't tell me anything about how to meditate, or what his secret magic word was, and how I'd have to pay a week's wages to be told a secret magic word of my own ... and so on. I would be a normal millionaire novelist if I hadn't gone weird on the meditations.
3) He then insisted that I had to start a blog when I decided to try and find an agent in 2005 and that's wasted a huge amount of time for all kinds of folk, particularly the nearly 40,000 who have wasted their time reading crap like this instead of meditating.
4) Also, he had caused massive brain damage to me by forcing me to drink like a hungry, thirsty ghost because that's the only way you deal with the constant conversational imperialism about the Beach Boys, and how the driver of the person who looked through the window when the Wilson was making Smile had a daughter who now in a band, and the glorification of Brian Close and how to show no pain!
But it dawned on me when he pulled the pig's face out and started chewing it in the pub the other night that this boy is completely mad. I think being with the dementing so much recently has helped me here. You have to look between the sound of the words. How come he's gotten away with this for so long?
I take it all back about the evil bourgeois! Every one of the progeny of the evil bourgeois I met as a young man was off his trolley due to the excessive toilet training regimes and the marching up and down - def, dight, def dight - but this has secured them in lifestyles which the noble working classes can only dream of.
Oh well!
Been checking up my statcounter thing and my blogs started in February 2005 and since then I have had just under 40,000 visits. That's about twenty two visits a day.
This is all Brian Wilson's fault. Everything is. I've been working it out since he forced me into yon bar on Tuesday .... and up to then I was doing so well!! Here's a list of Brian Wilson's bad influences.
1) He told me when I was in my late twenties and hadn't mixed with the normal people for a while - hiding and writing, etc. - that he didn't read books, that he couldn't tell the difference between good and bad writing, and that he didn't want to read books because people were just trying to tell you something in them.
2) If you are obsessed with the way the words fall one after the other, this was devastating, but then he started crowing about the clear mind and how he meditated for half a minute a day, then wouldn't tell me anything about how to meditate, or what his secret magic word was, and how I'd have to pay a week's wages to be told a secret magic word of my own ... and so on. I would be a normal millionaire novelist if I hadn't gone weird on the meditations.
3) He then insisted that I had to start a blog when I decided to try and find an agent in 2005 and that's wasted a huge amount of time for all kinds of folk, particularly the nearly 40,000 who have wasted their time reading crap like this instead of meditating.
4) Also, he had caused massive brain damage to me by forcing me to drink like a hungry, thirsty ghost because that's the only way you deal with the constant conversational imperialism about the Beach Boys, and how the driver of the person who looked through the window when the Wilson was making Smile had a daughter who now in a band, and the glorification of Brian Close and how to show no pain!
But it dawned on me when he pulled the pig's face out and started chewing it in the pub the other night that this boy is completely mad. I think being with the dementing so much recently has helped me here. You have to look between the sound of the words. How come he's gotten away with this for so long?
I take it all back about the evil bourgeois! Every one of the progeny of the evil bourgeois I met as a young man was off his trolley due to the excessive toilet training regimes and the marching up and down - def, dight, def dight - but this has secured them in lifestyles which the noble working classes can only dream of.
Oh well!
Tuesday 18 October 2011
Wet Tuesday Morning
8:11 a.m.
I've always tried to regard myself as the average Joe. Well within the usual parameters. When you think of yourself as an average joe, you can get very irritated by the flatheids because they're just lazy, stupid basturns if you are at average Joe. If you thought you were somehow exceptional, you might feel like patronising the flatheids, or even bullshiting them. If you lacked compassion, you could inflate yourself and bullshit them, and ... If you think you're getting the bliss because you've got it somehow from your guru who is at the end of lineage that stretches back to the Buddha, that's probably the best, that is, if your guru is the business and not some basturn who has inflated himself and is bullshitting you. Of course, you don't get the bliss from your guru. I know this for sure since I was getting bliss way before I had one! You should be able to progress in the juju by interacting with what you think your guru might be, or represent.
It's wet and cold out there. Wonderful not to be standing at bus stops waiting to go to the jobbie!!
I've always tried to regard myself as the average Joe. Well within the usual parameters. When you think of yourself as an average joe, you can get very irritated by the flatheids because they're just lazy, stupid basturns if you are at average Joe. If you thought you were somehow exceptional, you might feel like patronising the flatheids, or even bullshiting them. If you lacked compassion, you could inflate yourself and bullshit them, and ... If you think you're getting the bliss because you've got it somehow from your guru who is at the end of lineage that stretches back to the Buddha, that's probably the best, that is, if your guru is the business and not some basturn who has inflated himself and is bullshitting you. Of course, you don't get the bliss from your guru. I know this for sure since I was getting bliss way before I had one! You should be able to progress in the juju by interacting with what you think your guru might be, or represent.
It's wet and cold out there. Wonderful not to be standing at bus stops waiting to go to the jobbie!!
Monday 17 October 2011
After the Watershed!
Monday 10:30 a.m.
On Friday I felt I was missing conversation. I haven't seen any of my deep, dear friends for a bit. Today I wakened up a bit crabbit. Focused on my appointments, the ones that came in after Friday. Appointments arising like great problems in the future!!
Tonight a friend is coming down to see me for a wee bit. He's in the most grotesque of situations since he's looking after a disabled person and he's ..... anyway, he was told about the bliss a long, long time ago, but flatheids are so dumb the don't even know they're flatheids, and besides meditating seemed like a lot of work to him, and he wouldn't mind getting the bliss, but .... so he's on the full strength anti-depressants.
Flatheids are so depressing, especially when the alternative is sitting getting into some wonderful bliss and trying to raise the heat.
Tomorrow I've agreed to go cycling with Brian Wilson, El Grosso! This will take a whole afternoon. And the one suggestion you'll never hear from a flatheid is the one that says let's meditate. Fortunately, it's pissing down outside and it that keeps up, but ..... Brian Wilson is a hopeless alcoholic and if it's raining he could easily suggest spending all day getting blootered in the pub.
I've got an appointment on Friday night, but that should be alright. I'm not complaining about that one. It's a quiz night in some church hall. If I'm lucky, there won't be a bar to avoid there and I might actually enjoy speaking to those people.
The reason why seeing flatheids is such a trauma is that these are perfect opportunities to behave badly. I really don't want to drink and smoke any more, and it's probably like being a junkie ... the first thing to do is get rid of your junkie pals!!
I think the reason why I'm in a bad mood this morning is partly because I did a boxing training session last night which I haven't quite gotten over yet. Also, the carpet layers are due any minute.
Of course, being anxious about seeing your deep, dear friends is idiotic. Any of that kind of anxiety about the future is idiotic.
What do you think I should do, Jack? Well, Hotboy, the thing to do is continue to meditate throughout the day as best you can, and then when you feel fabulously happy and bursting with bliss, joy and good intentions, tell the flatheids to just fung off!!
2:00 p.m.
Just got an email from Brian Wilson asking if we can go to the pub instead tomorrow as he's had a terrible shock. The Philippino slave he had lined up for his new liver transplant has ran away! Dearie me! He says he need counselling and can only get that in the pub!!
10:50 p.m.
The boy's like Job. You couldn't make it up. Couldn't meet a nicer guy either. The usual. Still no tobacco or alcohol though.
I was thinking that the luckiest thing that ever happened to me was that I wanted to meditate. This makes me way more fortunate than anyone I know. It seems strange to me that folk don't meditate even after you tell them about the bliss, but whichever way you look at it, we are few and far between us meditaters. We few, we fortunate few!
On Friday I felt I was missing conversation. I haven't seen any of my deep, dear friends for a bit. Today I wakened up a bit crabbit. Focused on my appointments, the ones that came in after Friday. Appointments arising like great problems in the future!!
Tonight a friend is coming down to see me for a wee bit. He's in the most grotesque of situations since he's looking after a disabled person and he's ..... anyway, he was told about the bliss a long, long time ago, but flatheids are so dumb the don't even know they're flatheids, and besides meditating seemed like a lot of work to him, and he wouldn't mind getting the bliss, but .... so he's on the full strength anti-depressants.
Flatheids are so depressing, especially when the alternative is sitting getting into some wonderful bliss and trying to raise the heat.
Tomorrow I've agreed to go cycling with Brian Wilson, El Grosso! This will take a whole afternoon. And the one suggestion you'll never hear from a flatheid is the one that says let's meditate. Fortunately, it's pissing down outside and it that keeps up, but ..... Brian Wilson is a hopeless alcoholic and if it's raining he could easily suggest spending all day getting blootered in the pub.
I've got an appointment on Friday night, but that should be alright. I'm not complaining about that one. It's a quiz night in some church hall. If I'm lucky, there won't be a bar to avoid there and I might actually enjoy speaking to those people.
The reason why seeing flatheids is such a trauma is that these are perfect opportunities to behave badly. I really don't want to drink and smoke any more, and it's probably like being a junkie ... the first thing to do is get rid of your junkie pals!!
I think the reason why I'm in a bad mood this morning is partly because I did a boxing training session last night which I haven't quite gotten over yet. Also, the carpet layers are due any minute.
Of course, being anxious about seeing your deep, dear friends is idiotic. Any of that kind of anxiety about the future is idiotic.
What do you think I should do, Jack? Well, Hotboy, the thing to do is continue to meditate throughout the day as best you can, and then when you feel fabulously happy and bursting with bliss, joy and good intentions, tell the flatheids to just fung off!!
2:00 p.m.
Just got an email from Brian Wilson asking if we can go to the pub instead tomorrow as he's had a terrible shock. The Philippino slave he had lined up for his new liver transplant has ran away! Dearie me! He says he need counselling and can only get that in the pub!!
10:50 p.m.
The boy's like Job. You couldn't make it up. Couldn't meet a nicer guy either. The usual. Still no tobacco or alcohol though.
I was thinking that the luckiest thing that ever happened to me was that I wanted to meditate. This makes me way more fortunate than anyone I know. It seems strange to me that folk don't meditate even after you tell them about the bliss, but whichever way you look at it, we are few and far between us meditaters. We few, we fortunate few!
Sunday 16 October 2011
Watershed!
Sunday 8:23 p.m.
It's five months since I stopped working and I was hoping this weekend could be seen as some kind of watershed. I wasn't expecting to be spending my retirement in exactly the way I have been, and one or two "obstacles" have arisen.
We'd had decorators and builders and plasterers in here intermittently for god knows how long.
I've had to re-adjust my mind to spending three days a week and two nights out of Edinburgh, but I think now, and maybe only now, am I able to get my head round that.
Since I gave up the jobbie, and unexpectedly found myself with some money, I've been hammering the pizza with tobacco and when I haven't been smoking, I've been drinking. This has stopped now. I haven't been smoking or drinking for the last two nights, and .... here come people! They just never let you alone!!
It's five months since I stopped working and I was hoping this weekend could be seen as some kind of watershed. I wasn't expecting to be spending my retirement in exactly the way I have been, and one or two "obstacles" have arisen.
We'd had decorators and builders and plasterers in here intermittently for god knows how long.
I've had to re-adjust my mind to spending three days a week and two nights out of Edinburgh, but I think now, and maybe only now, am I able to get my head round that.
Since I gave up the jobbie, and unexpectedly found myself with some money, I've been hammering the pizza with tobacco and when I haven't been smoking, I've been drinking. This has stopped now. I haven't been smoking or drinking for the last two nights, and .... here come people! They just never let you alone!!
Walk around the Botties!
Sunday 7:17 p.m.
Went a walk round the Bottie's this afternoon and ended up in the allotment. Here's the photies. Nice day, so it was!
Went a walk round the Bottie's this afternoon and ended up in the allotment. Here's the photies. Nice day, so it was!
Saturday 15 October 2011
Saturday night
6:23 p.m.
At last, I came across someone on the web who understands the juju! I started posting on a discussion board about enlightenment in Amazon Kindle and this joe came up:
you say; "I'm taking a break until I can raise inner heat", this is not easy, i practice meditation/pranayama/kundalini yoga, pranayama is the key to raising inner heat, the breath must be made very strong (plenty of cardiovascular gymnastics for you) i found that when i reached a two and a half minute breath cycle i was impervious to winters ice and snow even if naked. rarely have more than three items of clothing on. another side effect is the boost in energy i only need to sleep four to five hours per night.
Well, that was nice to see!!
The camera phone sometimes won't let me look at the photies now. A sign comes up saying: Preview Error. Hmmm? Maybe on the way out, eh? But I managed to get these ...
They were taken on Tuesday!
At last, I came across someone on the web who understands the juju! I started posting on a discussion board about enlightenment in Amazon Kindle and this joe came up:
you say; "I'm taking a break until I can raise inner heat", this is not easy, i practice meditation/pranayama/kundalini yoga, pranayama is the key to raising inner heat, the breath must be made very strong (plenty of cardiovascular gymnastics for you) i found that when i reached a two and a half minute breath cycle i was impervious to winters ice and snow even if naked. rarely have more than three items of clothing on. another side effect is the boost in energy i only need to sleep four to five hours per night.
Well, that was nice to see!!
The camera phone sometimes won't let me look at the photies now. A sign comes up saying: Preview Error. Hmmm? Maybe on the way out, eh? But I managed to get these ...
Thursday 13 October 2011
A Thursday These Days
9:30 p.m.
Just opened a bottle of Soliera Tempranillo, a collapso from the coop, so I'd better get on with this!
I wakened up about six, but got back to sleep again and had a dream about this guy I know. Well, it wasn't really about him since he was already dead in the dream. I was chatting to his old man and such. Hope the bugger is still alive!
I started meditating at the back of eight and then at just before half nine I went into the great granny's room and gave her a pill. You can't eat and for half an hour afterwards. She has to wait for the carer to come in and get her dressed, but we were expecting the district nurse before that.
So I'm meditating here in the kitchen when the district nurse comes in. We discuss what might have to be done about the urine sample. We don't really know because you always come into the tail end of something and have to piece it together from great granny's sometimes confused recollections. But the district nurse knows the script and gets a sample as well as taking some blood, known as fast blood. This is to check sugar.
When the carer gets in, I disappear upstairs and meditate there till she goes away again. She shouts a bye bye as she goes and then I come back to the kitchen and chat to the great granny, wash and put away the breakfast dishes. The gg zimmers about looking for something we couldn't find earlier, and finds it.
Then everything starts to calm down.
I meditate most of the time till lunchtime, but I have the netbook here and I'm on that sometimes trying to join discussion threads in the ridiculous notion that this way someone might find out about my ebooks. I will pack this in soon since I don't expect to see any money from this endeavour at all, and I'm just going through the motions. Soon, it will be an obvious waste of time. I don't really care, but I am the skintest evil bourgeois I know and would like to make some money for the kiddo. So she doesn't have to work. Some hope.
The carer is late at lunchtime, but when she shows up, I go upstairs again. By this time I might have meditated for about four hours. The great granny crashes out a lot.
When the carer goes away, I re-appear and wash the dishes, etc. I meditate till about three and then go outside to do a tai chi set. That's the first time I've been outside since I bought the cheap Independent compilation when I got up.
But at half four I go for a jog down towards Overton. This is the worst place to jog in. Makes me appreciate the beautiful, wonderful city. But since I've been losing weight and running up and down the path from the door to the gate - lots of stopping and starting - I've got a wee bit fitter. The jog takes me 35 minutes and I was expecting 40. I was very anxious free on this run, and really enjoyed it.
When I got back, I had a word with the carer - the really good thing about being here is the people. Folk in Edinburgh, apart from the working class folk, are mainly shits. These are wonderful, caring, funny people.
Then I had half an hour in the bath. I still hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and had a piece of bread with a bit of tomato then.
The great granny was in a good mood after her dinner. Her daughter and grand daughter are the same. These folk like their grub! We have wee jokes.
Then she starts crashing out again, and I meditate. But I did read a wee bit of the Dalai Lama book, but I'm meditating all I can. It's odd because you can't do the hour and a half on your ownio. You have to attend and watch out.
The last carer shows up about half seven and I go to the off-license, which is just across the road. The wummin behind the till is being funny. Nobody in that job is funny in the beautiful, wonderful city. Then I sit here, meditate, chat, and meditate, and the great granny is a bit knackered now and goes to bed at nine. Last night she stayed up till about half ten. I open the wine....
I know why I am here. I was going to wallow in the bliss, but I lack compassion and have to do the mahamudra meditations, with eyes open. So I am fortunate to be here. Fortunate indeed. Oh, what a fortunate creature, I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!!
What happens to the sweetie eating flatheids who cannot sit, Jack? They all go to hell, Hotboy. They all go to hell!
Just opened a bottle of Soliera Tempranillo, a collapso from the coop, so I'd better get on with this!
I wakened up about six, but got back to sleep again and had a dream about this guy I know. Well, it wasn't really about him since he was already dead in the dream. I was chatting to his old man and such. Hope the bugger is still alive!
I started meditating at the back of eight and then at just before half nine I went into the great granny's room and gave her a pill. You can't eat and for half an hour afterwards. She has to wait for the carer to come in and get her dressed, but we were expecting the district nurse before that.
So I'm meditating here in the kitchen when the district nurse comes in. We discuss what might have to be done about the urine sample. We don't really know because you always come into the tail end of something and have to piece it together from great granny's sometimes confused recollections. But the district nurse knows the script and gets a sample as well as taking some blood, known as fast blood. This is to check sugar.
When the carer gets in, I disappear upstairs and meditate there till she goes away again. She shouts a bye bye as she goes and then I come back to the kitchen and chat to the great granny, wash and put away the breakfast dishes. The gg zimmers about looking for something we couldn't find earlier, and finds it.
Then everything starts to calm down.
I meditate most of the time till lunchtime, but I have the netbook here and I'm on that sometimes trying to join discussion threads in the ridiculous notion that this way someone might find out about my ebooks. I will pack this in soon since I don't expect to see any money from this endeavour at all, and I'm just going through the motions. Soon, it will be an obvious waste of time. I don't really care, but I am the skintest evil bourgeois I know and would like to make some money for the kiddo. So she doesn't have to work. Some hope.
The carer is late at lunchtime, but when she shows up, I go upstairs again. By this time I might have meditated for about four hours. The great granny crashes out a lot.
When the carer goes away, I re-appear and wash the dishes, etc. I meditate till about three and then go outside to do a tai chi set. That's the first time I've been outside since I bought the cheap Independent compilation when I got up.
But at half four I go for a jog down towards Overton. This is the worst place to jog in. Makes me appreciate the beautiful, wonderful city. But since I've been losing weight and running up and down the path from the door to the gate - lots of stopping and starting - I've got a wee bit fitter. The jog takes me 35 minutes and I was expecting 40. I was very anxious free on this run, and really enjoyed it.
When I got back, I had a word with the carer - the really good thing about being here is the people. Folk in Edinburgh, apart from the working class folk, are mainly shits. These are wonderful, caring, funny people.
Then I had half an hour in the bath. I still hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and had a piece of bread with a bit of tomato then.
The great granny was in a good mood after her dinner. Her daughter and grand daughter are the same. These folk like their grub! We have wee jokes.
Then she starts crashing out again, and I meditate. But I did read a wee bit of the Dalai Lama book, but I'm meditating all I can. It's odd because you can't do the hour and a half on your ownio. You have to attend and watch out.
The last carer shows up about half seven and I go to the off-license, which is just across the road. The wummin behind the till is being funny. Nobody in that job is funny in the beautiful, wonderful city. Then I sit here, meditate, chat, and meditate, and the great granny is a bit knackered now and goes to bed at nine. Last night she stayed up till about half ten. I open the wine....
I know why I am here. I was going to wallow in the bliss, but I lack compassion and have to do the mahamudra meditations, with eyes open. So I am fortunate to be here. Fortunate indeed. Oh, what a fortunate creature, I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!!
What happens to the sweetie eating flatheids who cannot sit, Jack? They all go to hell, Hotboy. They all go to hell!
Monday 10 October 2011
Yesterday's photies
It felt like winter today. Yesterday I took these photies up the allotment. The strawberry plant was in flower due to the good weather last weekend, I suppose.
I expect to go to bed sober and straight tonight!! That's the way to do it!!
Saturday 8 October 2011
Wrestling with the Nicotine Dragon!!
The poster had been outside my door, but it had been put in the room by the cute decorator whilst I was in Newmains. Hmmm? So she's been in my room. She probably thought it needed decorated. There are writings all over the walls, but the first one up and still the biggest is
"The mechanism that makes masses of people incapable of freedom is the social suppression of sexuality in small children, adolescents and adults." (Wilhelm Reich)
What do you think, Jack? Just as well you've got leprosy, Hotboy.
This is the third day without nicotine after indulging for about seven or eight weeks straight. Yesterday was harder than the first day since I couldn't meditate as much due to the travelling about Lanarkshire. Friday is the two grannies day. Or great grannies. The auld maw says you should plan for your old age. She's checking out sheltered housing. They've put me off living much passed seventy. And I'm going to try like hell to avoid coming back. My meditations have been great of course since I stopped smoking. So I'm going to spend as much of the rest of the afternoon in the lobby as I can. When I take a break, I'll cut my hair. My mother in law is the one in the photie.
5:50 p.m.
Wednesday 5 October 2011
Confinement!
Wednesday 12:15 p.m.
I've been confined to my bedroom every morning for the last three days. I was ready for it really due to all the meditations I put in on Sunday and Saturday. The meditations really have been terrific and I feel as if I'm making real progress.
The pizza finishes today, so there will be problems for the next couple of days and then only Christ knows what the bliss will be like. It always responds to purification.
Today I'll be getting to Newmains and settling in again. Tomorrow I'll be confined to the kitchen for most of the day. The confinement is fine. Anything is fine once you habituate to it.
A very good thing about the time just passed it that I seem to have uploaded the last two books, Cyclists and the bliss book. It took me about six hours and should have taken half an hour, but it's done now anyway. Cyclists isn't up yet since there was a query about the copyright due, I think, to me misspelling my name!
I sent notification of the existence of the bliss book to the business manager at my old school. There was a link on the email to the kindle site. The business manager sent the email (without looking at the book obviously!) to every member of staff. Hmmmm? I guess you'd have had to have read the book - which is partly a rant about education - to see the funny side of that.
Also, I told an ex-pupil who is now in third year at Stirling. I got an email from him this morning:
I've read 3/4 of your book since this morning- it's excellent! If my local bookshop stocked more books like yours I'd be much more willing to go in and buy something. Ewan.
I'm losing weight. I've had my teeth fixed. I've got a leather jacket. I think at last I'm getting somewhere with this juju! What a fortunate creature I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!!
No netbook to Newmains this week. Not a reliable connection. Just leads to frustration.
I've been confined to my bedroom every morning for the last three days. I was ready for it really due to all the meditations I put in on Sunday and Saturday. The meditations really have been terrific and I feel as if I'm making real progress.
The pizza finishes today, so there will be problems for the next couple of days and then only Christ knows what the bliss will be like. It always responds to purification.
Today I'll be getting to Newmains and settling in again. Tomorrow I'll be confined to the kitchen for most of the day. The confinement is fine. Anything is fine once you habituate to it.
A very good thing about the time just passed it that I seem to have uploaded the last two books, Cyclists and the bliss book. It took me about six hours and should have taken half an hour, but it's done now anyway. Cyclists isn't up yet since there was a query about the copyright due, I think, to me misspelling my name!
I sent notification of the existence of the bliss book to the business manager at my old school. There was a link on the email to the kindle site. The business manager sent the email (without looking at the book obviously!) to every member of staff. Hmmmm? I guess you'd have had to have read the book - which is partly a rant about education - to see the funny side of that.
Also, I told an ex-pupil who is now in third year at Stirling. I got an email from him this morning:
I've read 3/4 of your book since this morning- it's excellent! If my local bookshop stocked more books like yours I'd be much more willing to go in and buy something. Ewan.
I'm losing weight. I've had my teeth fixed. I've got a leather jacket. I think at last I'm getting somewhere with this juju! What a fortunate creature I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!!
No netbook to Newmains this week. Not a reliable connection. Just leads to frustration.
Monday 3 October 2011
The Decorator!
Monday 10:00 a.m.
The decorator is really quite cute. In a pink cardigan. Last Monday was horrible with trying to get off the tobacco (as usual) and having the plasterer in. You get used to folk wandering about your flat, I suppose. Of course, I had to get a shave when I saw she was quite cute. Shirley. I'm going to wander about myself in a bit, in the batman outfit.
I think I managed to upload the last two books to Kindle yesterday and the day before. It took me about six hours, but I think if you were computery wise, you could do it in a few minutes. Oh well. Looks as if it's done now.
Everything is stop start and held up by having to go to Newmains every week. With the ten books now on Kindle, I could plan the rest of my life now. I could plan to write another book or decide to stop writing altogether. I could plan on booking a flight to Kathmandu so I could spent a few weeks in Kopan Monastery. I could do a lot of things if I had my life back, but I'll be going to Newmains on Tuesday this week instead of Wednesday. This probably means I won't be going to see my own mother on Friday. I have to go to Newmains early this week because somebody has to look after a ....dog. I'm not going to tell the auld maw I'm going to Newmains early and won't be seeing her on Friday because someone has to look after a dog.
You have to look at yourself and your own conscience, Jack. Just try and remember that the evil bourgeois are all going to hell, Hotboy. Even if you don't believe in hell, that might help.
8:00 p.m.
I don't have to go to Newmains tomorrow after all. It's like winning a prize!
I went to my new dentist to get my cap glued back in and have a bit of a polish this afternoon. The dental assistant was really nice and laughed and smiled and squeezed her leg up against my arm when she was aspirating me. Very nice but not quite on a par with the gorgeous one from Painless Potter's.
I meditated in the Batcave all morning and for a bit later. Brilliant meditations!! Just brilliant! Looking forward to more of that tonight and tomorrow. Hurrah!
The decorator is really quite cute. In a pink cardigan. Last Monday was horrible with trying to get off the tobacco (as usual) and having the plasterer in. You get used to folk wandering about your flat, I suppose. Of course, I had to get a shave when I saw she was quite cute. Shirley. I'm going to wander about myself in a bit, in the batman outfit.
I think I managed to upload the last two books to Kindle yesterday and the day before. It took me about six hours, but I think if you were computery wise, you could do it in a few minutes. Oh well. Looks as if it's done now.
Everything is stop start and held up by having to go to Newmains every week. With the ten books now on Kindle, I could plan the rest of my life now. I could plan to write another book or decide to stop writing altogether. I could plan on booking a flight to Kathmandu so I could spent a few weeks in Kopan Monastery. I could do a lot of things if I had my life back, but I'll be going to Newmains on Tuesday this week instead of Wednesday. This probably means I won't be going to see my own mother on Friday. I have to go to Newmains early this week because somebody has to look after a ....dog. I'm not going to tell the auld maw I'm going to Newmains early and won't be seeing her on Friday because someone has to look after a dog.
You have to look at yourself and your own conscience, Jack. Just try and remember that the evil bourgeois are all going to hell, Hotboy. Even if you don't believe in hell, that might help.
8:00 p.m.
I don't have to go to Newmains tomorrow after all. It's like winning a prize!
I went to my new dentist to get my cap glued back in and have a bit of a polish this afternoon. The dental assistant was really nice and laughed and smiled and squeezed her leg up against my arm when she was aspirating me. Very nice but not quite on a par with the gorgeous one from Painless Potter's.
I meditated in the Batcave all morning and for a bit later. Brilliant meditations!! Just brilliant! Looking forward to more of that tonight and tomorrow. Hurrah!
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