8:20 p.m.
Been checking up my statcounter thing and my blogs started in February 2005 and since then I have had just under 40,000 visits. That's about twenty two visits a day.
This is all Brian Wilson's fault. Everything is. I've been working it out since he forced me into yon bar on Tuesday .... and up to then I was doing so well!! Here's a list of Brian Wilson's bad influences.
1) He told me when I was in my late twenties and hadn't mixed with the normal people for a while - hiding and writing, etc. - that he didn't read books, that he couldn't tell the difference between good and bad writing, and that he didn't want to read books because people were just trying to tell you something in them.
2) If you are obsessed with the way the words fall one after the other, this was devastating, but then he started crowing about the clear mind and how he meditated for half a minute a day, then wouldn't tell me anything about how to meditate, or what his secret magic word was, and how I'd have to pay a week's wages to be told a secret magic word of my own ... and so on. I would be a normal millionaire novelist if I hadn't gone weird on the meditations.
3) He then insisted that I had to start a blog when I decided to try and find an agent in 2005 and that's wasted a huge amount of time for all kinds of folk, particularly the nearly 40,000 who have wasted their time reading crap like this instead of meditating.
4) Also, he had caused massive brain damage to me by forcing me to drink like a hungry, thirsty ghost because that's the only way you deal with the constant conversational imperialism about the Beach Boys, and how the driver of the person who looked through the window when the Wilson was making Smile had a daughter who now in a band, and the glorification of Brian Close and how to show no pain!
But it dawned on me when he pulled the pig's face out and started chewing it in the pub the other night that this boy is completely mad. I think being with the dementing so much recently has helped me here. You have to look between the sound of the words. How come he's gotten away with this for so long?
I take it all back about the evil bourgeois! Every one of the progeny of the evil bourgeois I met as a young man was off his trolley due to the excessive toilet training regimes and the marching up and down - def, dight, def dight - but this has secured them in lifestyles which the noble working classes can only dream of.
Oh well!
9 comments:
Reading between the lines, I think you're saying it's fortunate that at least Brian doesn't go on about cricket.
PS - in my professional experience, absolutely everybody's mad once you get to know them. The secret is to find people whose madness is tolerable, and just pretend they're the norm.
"Looking between the sound of the words" - at last you're grasping the grope therapy!
Albert? Looking forward to a wet journey to Bellshill! Hotboy
I say!
He sounds like a thoroughly bad influence. Perhaps you could suggest to him that he takes up cricket as a salvation.
MM III
Mingin'! I think he should take up meditating! But the too dumb to ... dearie me! Hotboy
I say!
It sounds like the old story of the dim-witted proletariat with no willpower once more being led astray by the superior intellect of the evil bourgeois.
MM III
I say MM, isn't that a bit harsh on the proletarians? Is it really their fault if they're dimwitted?
I say!
It is obvious. They were born that way.
On the other hand, I have a lot of sympathy for the peasantry. They too, were born that way, but at least, they know no better.
MM III
Mingers. And they're of some use.
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