Growth!

Tuesday 28th Feb., 8:02 p.m.
                                           I spotted daffodils today! The first one was the wee one in our allotment and the big one was next door. I also noticed the rhubarb has started to grow. Great!
                                           I have now dug a quarter of the allotment. This is very pleasing since it's further ahead than I've ever been at this time of the year. Due to having Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday morning with no jobbie of course. Hurrah!
                                           There is now a large bulwark down the middle of the allotment ... I'll come back to this later. Someone came in.

Complaints and meditations

Tuesday 9:25 a.m.
                             I'm waiting for the men to come and lay the carpet in the kiddo's old room. I've already had the electrician this morning to fix the light in the bathroom. Of course, he didn't fix it. He might fix it next Monday.
                             You'd think when you were retired it would be a good time to meditate. I believe some folk in India bugger off at my age and spend the rest of their old ages wandering around pilgrimage sites, meditating and whatnot. Well, it's alright for them, eh? In Blighty what we do when we retire is move old bits of furniture from room to room and .... the carpet fitters have just arrived. The nightmare continues.
                              This has been going on now since last April, nearly eleven months now. All I want is some peace and quiet.
                              All the disadvantages of being retired can work for me. Some people who retire miss their jobbies. Ha, ha, ha! Some folk can't stand having no schedule all day. Ha, ha, ha! It's too quiet for some folk ... it just goes on. It should be perfect. It would take a mass extinction.

                               Meditations don't sound like much fun if you just look at the last post, and it might take a long, long time to get any great benefit from analytical meditations, but what do I know?
                                I've been concentrating on these kinds of meditations at the moment because I'm reading the book. Also, they're good for folk who haven't got time to do the deity yoga, etc. I've been hoping to meditate for at least six hours a day, but most days I'm not making four. I think these days,  or last week anyway, that I'm meditating less than I was when I was working. Of course, I spent a lot of time at work meditating!
                                 No matter how chaotic my life seems to be right now -with incoming from flatheids at a seemingly unrelenting state and all - as soon as I close my eyes to meditate, I'm in a great deal of bliss. Most times these days I don't do anything for a while but hold on that. Bliss. I know I haven't got the emptiness yet, but I do have the bliss. It's when things seem to change for the better with the sheath and the bliss that I say that my meditations have been improving or are wonderful. Looking at things in a post-meditational state, I'm not any better off than anybody else. I probably have less bother from the afflictive emotions than I would have had had I not pursued this juju, but I still see things more or less the same as everyone else. I hope this changes.

                                    Well, they're actually doing something down there, so maybe I'm moving onto more peaceful times! It looks as if all the Kindle stuff is going to quieten down anyway. I've bumped the prices up the $3.50 which is higher than most ebooks, and now I'm just going to leave them there, which is what I wanted to do when I first put them up. It would be a miracle if I made any money from that malarkey. To market the books would take hours every day without any certain result. It would have been nice if people would have read the buddhisty books, but they weren't the ones that were selling at 77p anyway. C'est la vie!!
                               

More endings!

Monday 8:20 p.m.

          There's no secret in how to do the Mahamudra meditations I've been reading about. It's easy. You negate the self in the self: the self in the object; and then get into the mind. Where is it? What size is it, etc.? You are supposed to do this until you realise there are no sentient beings! Nae bother!

          When you start off with the false sense of self in yourself, and trying to negate that ... well, the Theravadins don't get any further than that! Actually, might take you a while to figure out what they might be talking about when they go on about this self thing.

          Negating the self in the object should be a lot easier. Like your own wee self, it doesn't exist the way you think it exists. It seems to have a permanence and solidity which the buddhisty boys say it doesn't have. They say there's nothing there that isn't constantly changing into something else. Also, it doesn't exist from it's own side, but due to causes and conditions outside of itself.

          This is much easier with the candle flame. It is the same candle flame in five minutes time, but everything has changed. The flame is dependent on the wick, the oxygen in the air and whatever the candle is made of.

          It's not as easy when you look at the candle itself. If it wasn't lit, but just sitting there, it looks like it would sit there unchanging forever. You wonder what it might be dependent upon because everything is interdependent in buddhism and nothing is separate. Well, it's dependent on the temperature of the room since it would expand, and thus change, if it got warmer. It might even melt.

          The candle has a name and a function. They say there is not all that much more you can be dead certain of.

(If I knew anything about Plato, I'd have to write something here about Forms. These might be archetypal abstract ideas, but I know bugger all about Plato. Anybody out there know about Forms? This has a capital because a form isn't something in this instance you fill up to get a driving license).

          Once you have sorted out your view of reality by staring at the candle for a bit, you are supposed to get up and get busy. These meditations are for folk who are not monks and have lots of do, like ... well, whatever flatheids do to stay flatheids. Anyway, when you are between meditation sessions, you are supposed to try to hold a view of reality in your head, I think.




          To achieve ultimate reality, I mark everything with mahamudra, The Great Seal of Emptiness This is the quintessence of non-duality.Milarepa.


          We're talking here about getting to grips with the illusory nature of reality. I'm getting told in this book I'm reading that nothing is real, that everything is illusory. I think I'm supposed to walk about with a strong idea of the emptiness of everything, and that nothing is as it appears to be.

          If you believed in God, you'd have to think that he's taking the piss. Everyone born with their heads jammed up their backsides, totally mystified, going around talking crap about things which aren't really there.

          I think this Thrangu boy might be a bit hard core, Jack! But he's not saying there's nothing there, is he? Well, Jack, he's seems to be stressing that there really is very, very little out there. I know physics tells us that there really is very, very little out there, but that's not the way it looks!!

          Sometimes it seems as if you're being asked to give up all the anchors and let everything slip slide away. You are not who you think you are. It's not what you think it is. This is very hard stuff. This is not really happening the way you think it is happening.

          Of course, the reason why you might spend some time of this stuff is because it's supposed to help you with the old afflictive emotions. Proceeding towards equanimity by way of contentment, satisfaction, satiation ... but very slowly!

          Some people don't seem to be much more than a whole lot of afflictive emotions. I think that's who they think they are. They might call it their personality. Let's get rid of that crabbit basturn and replace him with a nice chappie who smiles a lot! You can see how if you were a bit mentally unstable like most of the folk who land on this blog that this stuff would just be the last straw! Nee, naw. Here come the men in the white coats.

          Whoever you are,  I've always relied on the kindness of strangers.

          The flat is full of just little old me until tomorrow night. Then I have to go to Aviemore. This is not for ski-ing. This is because you can get a train right there from the beautiful, wonderful city, and it's quite far away. Hmmm? Anyway, it's not happening to me the way I think it's happening to me so there's no point in clinging to that bitter resentment at being dragged out of my hut so I could enjoy myself. See? Works on everything.



                               

The end of all this!

Sunday 11:25 a.m.
                            She said they want you to come. This is a kind of social pressure. You must go, they say. So you go and wander seemingly aimlessly through the nightmare that is Leith until you come upon this licensed toilet where you have to get drunk as fast a possible so you can leave as soon as you can. Then the next morning is lost as well as the time you spent wondering why you were drinking in a toilet in Leith in the first place.
                             That's the third time this week.
                              The flatheid in the toilet asked me how I was enjoying my retirement. What did I do all day? I told her I wanted to meditate all the time and that I'd meditated about four hours that day so far and that I would be meditating right then if I hadn't been conned into going to this toilet in Leith. She said she watched daytime teevee all day and her head was too full of stuff to meditate.
                             I feel right now as if I've wasted too much of my life already talking to morons and I really don't want to do it any more.
                             Tonight the kiddo will be round. Tomorrow is mine since the Domestic Bliss is on holiday and will be going to Newmains. I have to accompany her to Aviemore for two nights later in the week. Why the fung would I want to go to stay in a hotel in Aviemore?
                              You're going to have to tell them all to fung off, Hotboy. I know, Jack. They're too dumb to meditate and the too dumb to meditate are just too dumb to meditate, and you should stay away from them at all costs. I wish I could see an end to all of this.
                               The hut door swung open yesterday when I was meditating. That's the photie.
4.38 p.m.
                                Thank God for some peace and quiet!! What fantastic meditations I'm having just now! Onward and upward!

Prospects

Friday 4:50 p.m.
                         For someone who is trying to avoid the drink, I did quite well last week. On Saturday I was asked to meet Poisonous at half twelve, so I thought he wouldn't be interested in drinking at that time. Poisonous for years didn't drink all that much and I expected him to drink wee bottles of Spanish lager (I know, some folk don't deserve beer!), but he started off on the Guinness. It was costing £3.90 for a pint and I think that's the most I've ever paid for a pint of beer.
                          I was trying to get out of the pub after three pints, but for some reason Poisonous wanted to drink the pub dry. It took me hours to get out of there!
                          This is known as falling unsuspectingly into an open grave.
                           Brian Wilson asked to see me around noon on Wednesday. Hmmm? What's all that about?  He says he has to go to the Chinese consulate to get some visas sorted out because he's going to China to buy himself another liver. He says he wants to meet for a coffee. Hmmm? Fortunately,  I was able to avoid that open grave because he got the venue wrong and wasn't there due to the brain damage. So I just went home. What a relief!! I was just about to get up to the hut and meditate and dig all afternoon .... heaven!! .... when the phone went and it was Brian Wilson calling from a pub just down the road. Oh no!! He's already on the wifebeater.
                             Pubs are supposed to be a controlled drinking environment. I had to get him out of there after four or five hours. The last I remember was him banging his head off the table listening to stuff on you tube. Dearie me!
                              This week I will do better. I will. I've been asked to a party on Saturday, but the Domestic Bliss is away for a couple of days at the start of the week and I can hibernate then, I hope.
                           

Today

Tuesday 5.57 p.m.
                            There's a sign now in Inverleith Pond which tells people that feeding white bread to the birds is not good for them since there is bugger all in white bread and the birds start getting unwell due to vitamin deficiences, etc.
                             Don't you think that such a sign should be put up at the baker's, Jack? Or the supermarket, Hotboy!
                             Anyway, it said some wholemeal bread in the winter was a good idea. I fed them today. Once I really looked forward to this when the kiddo was wee. The wee seagulls are wonderful flyers. They time their flypast and take the bits out of the air. A real wildlife moment, so it is!
                             The new camera can't take photies of flowers because the colours don't come out right, even if it will focus properly, which it won't.
                              It's great being able to go to the allotment at the start of the week instead of going to yon stupid jobbie. When the Domestic Bliss got this allotment (15 or 16 years ago), I thought I might welcome it when I was retired. Well, that's now and I've got this year's tattie patch dug and sorted and it's not even March yet!

Let the diggings commence!

Monday 8:08 p.m.
                            That is definitely the last pot of soup from allotment stuff only this year. I have wiped out the Buddhist woman's kail patch. There are only a couple of leeks left in mine. Of course, I've still got tons of tatties and onions.
                             I've had three goes at the diggings so far, so what you can see in these photies is about two and a half hours to three hours digging.
                             I'll miss the soup.
                             I've bumped all my ebooks up to $3.50 or the equivalent. My best seller last month was Ancient Futures at 21 sales. There's no point in giving that away since it's got bugger all to do with Buddhism!

Poisonous and beer and fags!

Saturday 10;04p.m.
                             The chinese girl was far better looking than that. So was the Hungarian barmaid. The chinese girl was stunning. I asked if I could take their photies. Normally, I'm so shy. When I was young, I did not want them to sleep with me. I did not think they were the other half. The missing bit. And I was so gorgeous as well. But they say yes when you're old and ask to take their photie.
                              What else could you ask them to do, Jack? Bugger all, Hotboy! You were lucky you got the photies!
                               The photies without any girls in them are of the day getting dark out of the pub window.

New writings on the wall!

Saturday 11:07 a.m.
                             I wrote something on my wall this morning, the first new thing for years. It's the famous six points of how to continue sitting quietly doing nothing from Tilopa, the granddaddy of  Tibetan Buddhism.

Do not recall
Do not think
Do not anticipate
Do not meditate
Do not analyse
Do rest naturally.

I came across this again in the The Essentials of Mahamudra, which I've been dipping into every now and again now for a few weeks. Wonderful book. I think I should really pay attention to this at this point since I'm farther away from doing any kind of long retreat than I've ever been.

The instruction "Do not meditate" is the most difficult for me. It means don't fabricate anything. This is very hard to do.

I've been very good this week with not drinking or smoking. It was a very good thing to hide from Saturday till I had to go to Newmains on Thursday. But sometimes I miss good conversation. When this happens I sometimes try to have a conversation with some one and then I go back to hiding. This is because my deep dear friends are all flatheids to the bone, and flatheids don't really have anything interesting to say. And I tend to feel a little desperate before I start pouring Guinness down my throat. Anyway, I'm phoning Poisonous in an hour. I'll try to stick to the coffee!!!

Crocuses!

Wednesday 6:22 p.m.
                                What a lovely day it was today! How pleased I was to see the crocuses bursting out in Inverleith Park on my way to the allotment. I did my first wee dig of the season.
                                 This feels like a much better time for me than last week, or for weeks and weeks before. I haven't seen anyone other than the Domestic Bliss since Saturday. I'm not drinking or smoking. My meditations are making it all worth while. It is hard work all this self improvement, but it's bound to be. Thriving on it today anyway!

Yesterday's photies!

Wednesday 11:20 a.m.
                                   This is my fourth day of non-smoking sobriety. My first meditation today showed the benefits. Sometimes life has been harder than it should have been recently, but yesterday I spotted two flowers and the springtime is surely near now. I might meditate in the Botanics this afternoon is the weather stays fine.