Friday 3:50 p.m.
The thesis could be the Einsteinian view of the big stuff. The antithesis could be the Niels Bohr view of the teeny weeny stuff. The contradiction between these views has been solved to my own satisfaction by the idea I had yesterday about the world as we know it behaving the way it seems to (the Einsteinian or classical way) due to the underlying consciousness or big self or awareness fixing it that way.
I think this particular penny dropped because of two things in the New Scientist article I read. One was that the contradiction could be solved if something was observing our universe from outside it: a classical observer in a quantum universe. The writer skirted away from this very quickly because he'll be a scientist and probably an atheist and those kind of people don't like the idea of anything being outside the universe. You can't get outside the universe(s). The other thing in the article that probably helped the penny drop was when the writer said one school of thought suggested the whole thing would make sense when other properties, so far unknown, were discovered concerning the wee tottie things.
I don't think this can be an original idea. It's so blinking obvious once you've thought it, especially if you've witnessed the big self in some degree or other. Millions of people have done this. It's the bog standard mystical experience. The thing you see seems to have an awareness just as you have awareness (it's like your expanded awareness) of self, and it seems to be powerful and moving the universe like the Holy Ghost or prana is sometimes described. Another good thing about this idea is that you don't need an observer outside our universe. Our universe at some level is the observer.
I love this idea. It helps reality to seem less concrete and so helps with my understanding of emptiness. Emptiness is logical and so it this idea. It fits. It's almost as if I've managed to deduce the big self as well as having seen it once. That's why I was so pleased yesterday. It marries experiential mysticism with science.
Are you trying to tell the spam robots that this is the truth, Hotboy? No, Jack. I don't believe in the truth. I think this is a hypothesis that takes care of the contradiction between the classical and quantum views. It helpfully re-enforces the idea that we are not what we think we are and it's not happening to us the way we think it's happening to us, and this is very good indeed.
The Disbelieving Congregation has a distinctive idea! Hurrah!!
Friday 28 January 2011
Thursday 27 January 2011
The Unified Theory of Everything!
Thursday 10:55 a.m.
So the photon seems to be going through the two slits simultaneously when you look at the results at the back of the slits.
When you try to measure or observe the photon going into the slits, it seems to act as you'd expect in the first place, as one photon going through a slit.
The Copenhagen Interpretation.
While experiencing non-self and emptiness, it is possible to see the world as one thing with everything moving in wholeness and with everything being in relation to everything else. There is a kind of consciousness through and behind and supporting everything. You see this. I think it might be called the Path of Seeing.
Usually, everything appears to be separate from everything else.
This is similar to the observer observing the photon before it goes through the slit. Being conscious of the photon makes it into a separate thing; makes it seem to act as a particle and not as a wave.
So it seems that the world looks as it is, with everything separate and distinct, because of our being conscious of it.
But if I'm dead, the moon is still there and it is still fixed and separate to you. The moon is still there if I'm dead, and it's still there if you're dead. It's still there.
Is this because of a greater consciousness, a greater awareness which is fixing perception in that way??? So that it seems to be separate just like the particle going through the slit seems to be separate?
I think it is. I've seen the big mind consciousness thing, of course, once while experiencing non-self and emptiness for a few seconds, so this made perfect sense to me while I was meditating this morning. The big consciousness doesn't have to be outside the universe looking in. This works even if you have a zillion universes or a zigillion parallel universes.
If you don't get it, it might be because you're a flatheid. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
This is the best idea I've ever had. That'll be ten percent off the top, please.
So the photon seems to be going through the two slits simultaneously when you look at the results at the back of the slits.
When you try to measure or observe the photon going into the slits, it seems to act as you'd expect in the first place, as one photon going through a slit.
The Copenhagen Interpretation.
While experiencing non-self and emptiness, it is possible to see the world as one thing with everything moving in wholeness and with everything being in relation to everything else. There is a kind of consciousness through and behind and supporting everything. You see this. I think it might be called the Path of Seeing.
Usually, everything appears to be separate from everything else.
This is similar to the observer observing the photon before it goes through the slit. Being conscious of the photon makes it into a separate thing; makes it seem to act as a particle and not as a wave.
So it seems that the world looks as it is, with everything separate and distinct, because of our being conscious of it.
But if I'm dead, the moon is still there and it is still fixed and separate to you. The moon is still there if I'm dead, and it's still there if you're dead. It's still there.
Is this because of a greater consciousness, a greater awareness which is fixing perception in that way??? So that it seems to be separate just like the particle going through the slit seems to be separate?
I think it is. I've seen the big mind consciousness thing, of course, once while experiencing non-self and emptiness for a few seconds, so this made perfect sense to me while I was meditating this morning. The big consciousness doesn't have to be outside the universe looking in. This works even if you have a zillion universes or a zigillion parallel universes.
If you don't get it, it might be because you're a flatheid. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
This is the best idea I've ever had. That'll be ten percent off the top, please.
Wednesday 26 January 2011
The Wednesday
This afternoon I went for a wee walk in the Botanics and meditated for a bit in the hut. I should be meditating just now, but I seem to have found out how to watch the footie on the computer without having to go the the pub, which is just as well since I'm skint till I get paid tomorrow morning. Hurrah! Second half has just started.
Monday 24 January 2011
Ignorance!
Monday 7:55 p.m.
Donald Rumsfeld was widely mocked for this comment, but I love it. It's almost enough to get him made the first honorary blissheid in the Disbelieving Congregation.
This was in the New Scientist today.
"Quantum particles such as atoms and molecules have an uncanny ability to appear in two places at once, spin clockwise and anti-clockwise at the same time, or instantaneously influence each other when they are half a universe apart. The thing is, we are made of atoms and molecules, and we can't do any of that. Why? "At what point does quantum mechanics cease to apply" asks ... an answer is yet to emerge."
"There is the 'many worlds' interpretation , where quantum strangeness is explained by everything having multiple existences in myriad parallel universes. Or you might prefer the de Broglie-Bohn interpretation, where quantum theory is considered incomplete: we are lacking some hidden properties that, if we knew them, would make sense of everything... There are plenty more ..."
Ignorance is the first of the twelve links of dependant origination which, if you want the wrong things, leads to ... grief, sorrow, lamentations ... delusions, disappointments and despair ... suffering in this life!
Because of the bliss and the heat, or warmth in my case so far, it is apparent that there is more to the human body than meets the eye. There is stuff in operation which you cannot see and which doesn't seem to have a physical presence. The lama told me to watch out for unleashing forces I wouldn't be able to control. I know these forces are there because I can feel them to some extent, but how are they operating and in what medium are they operating?
Milarepa was supposed to be able to fly and change shape. Of course, we should be sceptical about such claims, and it is fair enough to say that seeing is believing. But quantum mechanics completely defies common sense as well.
The Copenhagen Interpretation seems to say that if you observe or try to measure something you seem to change something in the fabric of reality. That's accepted by the smartest people in the world. Is there something in this which is telling us something about consciousness? Consciousness has to be conscious of something.
So Milarepa maybe changed his consciousness, or did something amazing to it through meditation that changed everything for him. Perhaps by so doing you would change everything because at the end of the day maybe everything is just consciousness.
Obviously, I'm really struggling with this stuff. What did the Buddha say again? Experience is proceeded by mind; led by mind; and produced by mind. We think we know what mind is, but I don't think we do really. I think I read that even the Buddha couldn't find it.
Donald Rumsfeld was widely mocked for this comment, but I love it. It's almost enough to get him made the first honorary blissheid in the Disbelieving Congregation.
| [T]here are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don't know we don't know. | ” | |
—United States Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld | ||
"Quantum particles such as atoms and molecules have an uncanny ability to appear in two places at once, spin clockwise and anti-clockwise at the same time, or instantaneously influence each other when they are half a universe apart. The thing is, we are made of atoms and molecules, and we can't do any of that. Why? "At what point does quantum mechanics cease to apply" asks ... an answer is yet to emerge."
"There is the 'many worlds' interpretation , where quantum strangeness is explained by everything having multiple existences in myriad parallel universes. Or you might prefer the de Broglie-Bohn interpretation, where quantum theory is considered incomplete: we are lacking some hidden properties that, if we knew them, would make sense of everything... There are plenty more ..."
Ignorance is the first of the twelve links of dependant origination which, if you want the wrong things, leads to ... grief, sorrow, lamentations ... delusions, disappointments and despair ... suffering in this life!
Because of the bliss and the heat, or warmth in my case so far, it is apparent that there is more to the human body than meets the eye. There is stuff in operation which you cannot see and which doesn't seem to have a physical presence. The lama told me to watch out for unleashing forces I wouldn't be able to control. I know these forces are there because I can feel them to some extent, but how are they operating and in what medium are they operating?
Milarepa was supposed to be able to fly and change shape. Of course, we should be sceptical about such claims, and it is fair enough to say that seeing is believing. But quantum mechanics completely defies common sense as well.
The Copenhagen Interpretation seems to say that if you observe or try to measure something you seem to change something in the fabric of reality. That's accepted by the smartest people in the world. Is there something in this which is telling us something about consciousness? Consciousness has to be conscious of something.
So Milarepa maybe changed his consciousness, or did something amazing to it through meditation that changed everything for him. Perhaps by so doing you would change everything because at the end of the day maybe everything is just consciousness.
Obviously, I'm really struggling with this stuff. What did the Buddha say again? Experience is proceeded by mind; led by mind; and produced by mind. We think we know what mind is, but I don't think we do really. I think I read that even the Buddha couldn't find it.
The Springtime will come!
The photies were taken this morning at the bus stop in Princes Street. Oh, how wonderful it was that the dawn was breaking! Before you know it, we won't be getting up in the dark. It's not night time till quarter to five or so these days, so I might even get back to the flat when it's still light. Hurrah!!
Last week my meditations took a big jump forward! This means there is now an awful, awful lot of bliss in them. Strangely, the heat quotient has hardly changed and I couldn't dry off a hanky yet. I'm very encouraged by developments though and it augurs well for the visit to the Samye Ling in a couple of weeks.
If I'd gotten anything together with the agent I had until a year ago, I could be retiring from the jobbie when I get to be sixty in two weeks. Oh well, you can't have everything!!
Sunday 23 January 2011
Grace before Meals!
Sunday 11:45 p.m.
I did quite a bit of praying when I was a kiddo. I can remember saying grace before meals, but I can't remember the prayer. I found this on google, but I don't think this is what I was told to say.
Bless us, O Lord, and these your gifts which we are about to receive
from your bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen. I was watching this programme this evening about people in Alaska who were hunting whales. They thought the whales picked them. You had to do certain things to make the whales pick you, like clean out your permafrost fridge and such like.
Once I saw this joe chasing after a bongo in the bongo bongo, as an illustration of how we are better than antelopes at managing heat, what with our skin and sweat glands and all. So this joe starts chasing the bongo and it goes on and on and on until the bongo is exhausted and can't run anymore. It's on it's knees and has been run down. So the joe sits there for a bit and says some prayers to the spirit of the animal and then kills it.
I can't remember why I am a vegetarian, or why I don't drink milk or eat cheese anymore. Some folk can't be vegetarians or if they tried to eat like this, they would die.
A lot of my teeth are caps or crowns now, but I brush them a lot once I have eaten anything. I didn't used to care. I think I should pay some attention to the food I'm sticking in my mouth. I've got a loaf to do me till Wednesday, when I get paid. How do you pray to the loaf? I've lost it. I used to know how to do that kind of thing when I was a young person and a catholic.
I did quite a bit of praying when I was a kiddo. I can remember saying grace before meals, but I can't remember the prayer. I found this on google, but I don't think this is what I was told to say.
Bless us, O Lord, and these your gifts which we are about to receive
from your bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen. I was watching this programme this evening about people in Alaska who were hunting whales. They thought the whales picked them. You had to do certain things to make the whales pick you, like clean out your permafrost fridge and such like.
Once I saw this joe chasing after a bongo in the bongo bongo, as an illustration of how we are better than antelopes at managing heat, what with our skin and sweat glands and all. So this joe starts chasing the bongo and it goes on and on and on until the bongo is exhausted and can't run anymore. It's on it's knees and has been run down. So the joe sits there for a bit and says some prayers to the spirit of the animal and then kills it.
I can't remember why I am a vegetarian, or why I don't drink milk or eat cheese anymore. Some folk can't be vegetarians or if they tried to eat like this, they would die.
A lot of my teeth are caps or crowns now, but I brush them a lot once I have eaten anything. I didn't used to care. I think I should pay some attention to the food I'm sticking in my mouth. I've got a loaf to do me till Wednesday, when I get paid. How do you pray to the loaf? I've lost it. I used to know how to do that kind of thing when I was a young person and a catholic.
Saturday 22 January 2011
It's art, Jim, but not as we know it!
Sunday 12:15 a.m.
Watched a show about westerns on BBC Four this evening. Interpretations of westerns. How they applied to their times. Made me realise that some cats got it and some cats aint. John Ford.
Anyway, I'm starting to write something again these days, but when I watched that, I realised that I couldn't write a decent novel to save myself. I haven't even read anything about how to do this. I have read a few novels, but didn't dissect them at all to try to find out how they were written. What are you supposed to do if you want to produce one, that sort of thing?
I only ever got into writing as a lowest common denominator. I did want to do something creative, anything, something like that. Ask yourself what can you do. I did an arts degree at university. Any moron can do an arts degree. If you've got any brains at all, you should be doing mathematical physics. I realised that I couldn't do that kind of stuff, the stuff you need brains for, so I ended up doing an arts degree, one where all you had to do was learn how to produce an argument, write it down, and remember stuff. I knew smart folk did science, particularly physics. Sums.
To be good at meditating, you have to be able to sit, and try hard. I know that one josephine who comes here doesn't like to hear that you have to try hard, but maybe it's okay for them, but trying hard is all I've ever been able to offer. Effort. Make an effort.
I'm going down to the Samye Ling in a couple of weeks, and I can't say I'm really looking forward to this. The last time I was there to meditate, the moles crawled under my back, under the floor of the tent, and exhausted me and I had to come home.
But it is a thing which requires no talent at all. For some reason you just have to want to do it. So, over the last few days, the meditations have been wonderful, the progress has been progress, and I am not scared of walking along this way. The developments have been such that I cannot say there is anything bad or retrograde about this. This is ra bliss! This is ra bliss! This is ra bliss!
Watched a show about westerns on BBC Four this evening. Interpretations of westerns. How they applied to their times. Made me realise that some cats got it and some cats aint. John Ford.
Anyway, I'm starting to write something again these days, but when I watched that, I realised that I couldn't write a decent novel to save myself. I haven't even read anything about how to do this. I have read a few novels, but didn't dissect them at all to try to find out how they were written. What are you supposed to do if you want to produce one, that sort of thing?
I only ever got into writing as a lowest common denominator. I did want to do something creative, anything, something like that. Ask yourself what can you do. I did an arts degree at university. Any moron can do an arts degree. If you've got any brains at all, you should be doing mathematical physics. I realised that I couldn't do that kind of stuff, the stuff you need brains for, so I ended up doing an arts degree, one where all you had to do was learn how to produce an argument, write it down, and remember stuff. I knew smart folk did science, particularly physics. Sums.
To be good at meditating, you have to be able to sit, and try hard. I know that one josephine who comes here doesn't like to hear that you have to try hard, but maybe it's okay for them, but trying hard is all I've ever been able to offer. Effort. Make an effort.
I'm going down to the Samye Ling in a couple of weeks, and I can't say I'm really looking forward to this. The last time I was there to meditate, the moles crawled under my back, under the floor of the tent, and exhausted me and I had to come home.
But it is a thing which requires no talent at all. For some reason you just have to want to do it. So, over the last few days, the meditations have been wonderful, the progress has been progress, and I am not scared of walking along this way. The developments have been such that I cannot say there is anything bad or retrograde about this. This is ra bliss! This is ra bliss! This is ra bliss!
Friday 21 January 2011
Dreaming!
Friday 8:15 a.m.
For the last couple of weeks, I've been remembering the dreams I've been having, at least one of them every night. Over the last three nights, I've had a dream about keeping a polar bear in a bag in the lobby - it turned black and was a bit nasty at the end - and one about getting lost in Stenhouse (where?) and having difficulty getting a bus back to the city. The latter is kind of typical of my dreams, but Stenhouse wasn't full of psychos or folk chasing me with assault rifles and such. These dreams have been often incorporating things that I've been talking about, or seen on the telly, and such like.
Last night I watched a couple of political programmes before I went to sleep. The new coalition government has just brought forward proposals to privatise the NHS, more or less. Michael Portillo, who was once tipped to be a Tory leader, was asked why the Tories were bringing this in when they said before the election that there would be no top down re-organisation of the NHS; it wasn't in their manifesto, and neither was it in the agreement with the LibDems which set up the coalition government. He said this was because the NHS was the closest thing the British had to a religion and if the Tories had said what they were going to do, nobody would have voted for them.
After the Iraq War, I can't vote for the Labour Party anymore. I sometimes did vote for them, but I can't now. When Ed Miliband was making his acceptance speech as the new leader of the Labour Party, he said that the Iraq War had been a mistake. His brother, the defeated favourite to lead the party, didn't clap. He was sitting beside Harriet Harmon, the deputy leader, who was clapping. David Miliband asked her why she was clapping since she voted for the war. She replied that she was supporting her leader. That was it for me. Those bastards should all be in jail, not just Tony Blair.
However, fair play to them because they did give us devolution and the Tory plans to dismantle the health service will not apply to Scotland. Hurrah! This is the only reason I can account for the way the dream I had went last night.
The dream was mostly taken up with a conversation between myself and the Prime Minister, David Cameron. How convivial we were! I remember telling him I thought everyone should go to a school like Eton and that I was sorry I had set my heart against ever learning how to speak in public. I think I told him I'd like to help him as much as I could.
I can hardly claim to have felt good will to Tories during my life so far. In my favour I must say that a lot of my friends since I came to the beautiful, wonderful city have been the progeny of the evil bourgeois and have turned into their parents long ago, the kind of folk who traditionally have turned fascist as soon as times got tough; folk who went to public schools; bought shares under Maggie Thatcher; toadied up to their supposed betters; feathered their own nests, in fact, the kind of people who are all going to hell, the socal climbing, petit bourgeois, stupid people.
So although I cannot say I have been completely intolerant, having a pleasant and convivial time with David Cameron in my dream shows, I think, that I might be gaining in compassion.
I don't think politicians have ever been held in such low esteem as they are now. Come the May elections for Holyrood, I hope the Tories and LibDems disappear off the political map in Scotland. They probably will. We could be living in interesting times. It might be a long, hot summer.
For the last couple of weeks, I've been remembering the dreams I've been having, at least one of them every night. Over the last three nights, I've had a dream about keeping a polar bear in a bag in the lobby - it turned black and was a bit nasty at the end - and one about getting lost in Stenhouse (where?) and having difficulty getting a bus back to the city. The latter is kind of typical of my dreams, but Stenhouse wasn't full of psychos or folk chasing me with assault rifles and such. These dreams have been often incorporating things that I've been talking about, or seen on the telly, and such like.
Last night I watched a couple of political programmes before I went to sleep. The new coalition government has just brought forward proposals to privatise the NHS, more or less. Michael Portillo, who was once tipped to be a Tory leader, was asked why the Tories were bringing this in when they said before the election that there would be no top down re-organisation of the NHS; it wasn't in their manifesto, and neither was it in the agreement with the LibDems which set up the coalition government. He said this was because the NHS was the closest thing the British had to a religion and if the Tories had said what they were going to do, nobody would have voted for them.
After the Iraq War, I can't vote for the Labour Party anymore. I sometimes did vote for them, but I can't now. When Ed Miliband was making his acceptance speech as the new leader of the Labour Party, he said that the Iraq War had been a mistake. His brother, the defeated favourite to lead the party, didn't clap. He was sitting beside Harriet Harmon, the deputy leader, who was clapping. David Miliband asked her why she was clapping since she voted for the war. She replied that she was supporting her leader. That was it for me. Those bastards should all be in jail, not just Tony Blair.
However, fair play to them because they did give us devolution and the Tory plans to dismantle the health service will not apply to Scotland. Hurrah! This is the only reason I can account for the way the dream I had went last night.
The dream was mostly taken up with a conversation between myself and the Prime Minister, David Cameron. How convivial we were! I remember telling him I thought everyone should go to a school like Eton and that I was sorry I had set my heart against ever learning how to speak in public. I think I told him I'd like to help him as much as I could.
I can hardly claim to have felt good will to Tories during my life so far. In my favour I must say that a lot of my friends since I came to the beautiful, wonderful city have been the progeny of the evil bourgeois and have turned into their parents long ago, the kind of folk who traditionally have turned fascist as soon as times got tough; folk who went to public schools; bought shares under Maggie Thatcher; toadied up to their supposed betters; feathered their own nests, in fact, the kind of people who are all going to hell, the socal climbing, petit bourgeois, stupid people.
So although I cannot say I have been completely intolerant, having a pleasant and convivial time with David Cameron in my dream shows, I think, that I might be gaining in compassion.
I don't think politicians have ever been held in such low esteem as they are now. Come the May elections for Holyrood, I hope the Tories and LibDems disappear off the political map in Scotland. They probably will. We could be living in interesting times. It might be a long, hot summer.
Thursday 20 January 2011
Fair dos!
Thursday 9:55 a.m.
Samsara and nirvana have the same reality in the state of ultimate awareness.
To achieve ultimate reality, I mark everything with mahamudra, The Great Seal of Emptiness
This is the quintessence of non-duality. Milarepa.
There is not perceivable beginning or end to this samsara. Dhammapada.
Experiential mysticism, which is what this bloggy is supposed to be concerning itself with, should be about being in oneness, or with wholeness in flow.
Bugger all that. I want things to be fair. Somehow. Since I did see it once, I have to assume that I am in Oneness with the kid on the banks of the Nile whose eyeballs are getting eating out by worms.
Everything seems to be composed or compounded. I assume the kid on the banks of the Nile is a small part of the wholeness or oneness, and so am I. (The oneness must be empty of existing in the manner of its appearance like everything else) It's just that we have different points of view. I don't want these points of view to be just a matter of happenstance, or luck.
I think the root of the causes and conditions must be essentially beneficent because of the bliss. If I could get down further than the bliss, I might say it was neutral (I think this is Milarepa's position), but so far it looks to me that the bliss is available to everyone who has the opportunity to read stuff such as this bloggy. I don't think the bliss is available to the kid on the banks of the Nile whose eyeballs are getting eaten out by worms. So it would be nice if there was some mechanism that makes things fair. I assume that's what the boy meant when he said only buddhas understand the workings of karma.
I'm sure it's possible to see the world as a miraculous and heavenly place. That's where I would like to be. Until I can understand some way that makes the results of the causes and conditions fair, the kid on the banks of the Nile is going to bug me a bit.
There's bugger all I can do about that kid, so this should not make me miserable or unhappy at all. The kid is still going to be there when my viewpoint is one of heavenly bliss. However, there is something I can do about them torturing chickens so they can sell them at £2 a go in Tescos, and that's not to eat chicken.
The last couple of days have been very good for me. I don't think I need much else than what I've got right now.
Samsara and nirvana have the same reality in the state of ultimate awareness.
To achieve ultimate reality, I mark everything with mahamudra, The Great Seal of Emptiness
This is the quintessence of non-duality. Milarepa.
There is not perceivable beginning or end to this samsara. Dhammapada.
Experiential mysticism, which is what this bloggy is supposed to be concerning itself with, should be about being in oneness, or with wholeness in flow.
Bugger all that. I want things to be fair. Somehow. Since I did see it once, I have to assume that I am in Oneness with the kid on the banks of the Nile whose eyeballs are getting eating out by worms.
Everything seems to be composed or compounded. I assume the kid on the banks of the Nile is a small part of the wholeness or oneness, and so am I. (The oneness must be empty of existing in the manner of its appearance like everything else) It's just that we have different points of view. I don't want these points of view to be just a matter of happenstance, or luck.
I think the root of the causes and conditions must be essentially beneficent because of the bliss. If I could get down further than the bliss, I might say it was neutral (I think this is Milarepa's position), but so far it looks to me that the bliss is available to everyone who has the opportunity to read stuff such as this bloggy. I don't think the bliss is available to the kid on the banks of the Nile whose eyeballs are getting eaten out by worms. So it would be nice if there was some mechanism that makes things fair. I assume that's what the boy meant when he said only buddhas understand the workings of karma.
I'm sure it's possible to see the world as a miraculous and heavenly place. That's where I would like to be. Until I can understand some way that makes the results of the causes and conditions fair, the kid on the banks of the Nile is going to bug me a bit.
There's bugger all I can do about that kid, so this should not make me miserable or unhappy at all. The kid is still going to be there when my viewpoint is one of heavenly bliss. However, there is something I can do about them torturing chickens so they can sell them at £2 a go in Tescos, and that's not to eat chicken.
The last couple of days have been very good for me. I don't think I need much else than what I've got right now.
Wednesday 19 January 2011
A load of old photons!
Wednesday 5:50 p.m.
I think I read that only buddhas could really understand karma. We can all have a go at intentional action, cause and effect, etc., but I think the meaning here is of something a bit more profound.
Parallel universes. When the photon is heading for the two slits in the two slit photon demonstration of the contradiction at the heart of quantum mechanics, this joe said that maybe the photon wasn't being in two places at once as it seemed to go through both slits simultaneously. What was happening was that the photon was going into two different universes. The multiple/parallel universes and karma is bound to do anybody's head right in.
Of course, the existence of parallel or multiple universes (I suspect these are not the same thing!) is no more amazing really than the existence of the universe that we know about. This is to ape Voltaire who said that being born twice was no more amazing than being born once.
Some things seem to occur at random. Bad and good things happen to folk and they don't seem to be responsible for them either way. You can be struck by lightning. A cow fell out of a hercules aeroplane and sank a boat in the Mediterranean.
I quite like the idea in Islam that you submit to the will of Allah.
I sometimes like to think that this universe is unfolding just exactly the way it's supposed to be unfold and that everything is going to be alright no matter what it looks like.
This is okay for me, of course, because I am a very fortunate creature indeed!
Chou Enlai was asked about the repercussions from the French Revolution and he said it was too soon to tell.
It is difficult to tell the difference between good and bad fortune. The farmer had a horse and it ran away. Boo! It came back with another horse. Hurrah! With two horses, the farmer's son could use one for riding. Hurrah! He fell off it and broke his leg. Boo! The soldiers came and took away all the able bodied young men and forced them into the army, but the farmer's son was lame and he didn't go. Hurrah!
On Monday morning I was feeling awful and decided to stay at home instead of going to the jobbie. The joe in a parallel universe who decided to go to work anyway was knocked down by a bus and killed. Serves him right if you ask me!
I haven't had anything to smoke or drink for two days and have no inclination towards these things. This is very good indeed. The meditations today were off the scale again.
I think I read that only buddhas could really understand karma. We can all have a go at intentional action, cause and effect, etc., but I think the meaning here is of something a bit more profound.
Parallel universes. When the photon is heading for the two slits in the two slit photon demonstration of the contradiction at the heart of quantum mechanics, this joe said that maybe the photon wasn't being in two places at once as it seemed to go through both slits simultaneously. What was happening was that the photon was going into two different universes. The multiple/parallel universes and karma is bound to do anybody's head right in.
Of course, the existence of parallel or multiple universes (I suspect these are not the same thing!) is no more amazing really than the existence of the universe that we know about. This is to ape Voltaire who said that being born twice was no more amazing than being born once.
Some things seem to occur at random. Bad and good things happen to folk and they don't seem to be responsible for them either way. You can be struck by lightning. A cow fell out of a hercules aeroplane and sank a boat in the Mediterranean.
I quite like the idea in Islam that you submit to the will of Allah.
I sometimes like to think that this universe is unfolding just exactly the way it's supposed to be unfold and that everything is going to be alright no matter what it looks like.
This is okay for me, of course, because I am a very fortunate creature indeed!
Chou Enlai was asked about the repercussions from the French Revolution and he said it was too soon to tell.
It is difficult to tell the difference between good and bad fortune. The farmer had a horse and it ran away. Boo! It came back with another horse. Hurrah! With two horses, the farmer's son could use one for riding. Hurrah! He fell off it and broke his leg. Boo! The soldiers came and took away all the able bodied young men and forced them into the army, but the farmer's son was lame and he didn't go. Hurrah!
On Monday morning I was feeling awful and decided to stay at home instead of going to the jobbie. The joe in a parallel universe who decided to go to work anyway was knocked down by a bus and killed. Serves him right if you ask me!
I haven't had anything to smoke or drink for two days and have no inclination towards these things. This is very good indeed. The meditations today were off the scale again.
Tuesday 18 January 2011
Writing!
Tuesday 8:55 p.m.
I've decided to take up writing again. I've just been working on the Traffic Wardens book for the last two and a half hours. I don't think I wrote anything at all last year. Today I was thinking about what the lama said to me last summer about doing my head in with the channels and symbols juju. Hmmm? Now that I'm nearly sixty maybe it's time to accept some limitations and just try to enjoy what's left of my wonderful life.
"Unleashing forces that I'll be unable to control," etc., has been ringing in my head a bit today. There's been a lot going on with the developments of late. Maybe I've been too impatient and doing stuff that I might not be ready for. Maybe I should rein things back a little till I get to the Samye Ling in three weeks.
Anyway, I really enjoyed working with the words tonight.
I haven't been at work for the last two days and I won't be there tomorrow either, I don't think. Oh, how I wish I didn't have a jobbie!!
Monday 17 January 2011
Horizon again!
Monday 10:11 p.m.
Another wonderful Horizon programme this evening! What is reality? I love Horizon programmes about quantum physics and such. Also, I like the David Attenborough (?) shows. Once I thought I would like to sit in my terminal bed watching David Attenborough shows, but now I think this is my terminal bed since I am so old, and I would like them interspersed with the Horizon programmes, especially the ones about reality, which is what the one was about this evening. Well, it was about perception. Immediately, the joe says that we should be able to walk through walls ...
The folk who have left this place to go and live with the cacti and the lizards, the places with all the money and no values ... well, yous don't have the BBC, which is run by public school boys and liberal joes from such, and is the bestest thing in the world. It really is.
Tuesday 11:40 p.m.
I watched the Horizon programme again. Einstein said to Niels Bohr: Are you telling me the moon isn't there when we don't look at it? Bohr replies: Can you prove that the moon is there if nobody is looking at it?
Enlightenment is like the moon reflected on the water. The moon does not get wet, nor is the water broken. Although its light is wide and great, the moon is reflected even in a puddle an inch wide. The whole moon and the entire sky are reflected in dewdrops on the grass,or even in one drop of water.Zen Master Eihei Dogen
Brilliant bit of telly again!
"Quantum mechanics says I can walk through that wall. How often will it happen? Very rarely, but if I wait long enough, it will happen."
The same boy seems to think that reality is holographic. I think that means that the three dimensions idea is wrong somehow.
Of course, I can't understand this stuff, but neither can anyone else, it seems. Nobody can get their heads round it.
I like when they say the only way you can describe reality is through mathematics. I'm sure Pythagoras said something similar, as did Galileo as mentioned in the programme.
There's something bugging me about consciousness and perception and emptiness, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
Here, Sariputra, form is emptiness and the very emptiness is form; emptiness does not differ from form, form does not differ from emptiness; whatever is form, that is emptiness, whatever is emptiness, that is form, the same is true of feelings, perceptions, impulses and consciousness. Heart Sutra.
" The only thing that nihilism and the teaching of emptiness can be said to have in common is a sceptical outset. While nihilism concludes that reality is unknowable, that nothing exists, that nothing meaningful can be communicated about the world, the Buddhist notion of emptiness arrives at just the opposite, namely that ultimate reality is knowable, that there is a clear-cut ontological basis for phenomena, and that we can communicate and derive useful knowledge from it about the world. Emptiness (sunyata) must not be confused with nothingness. Emptiness is not non-existence and it is not non-reality."
Well, there it is.
Once I lost as sense of having an individual self when I had a wee experience of non-self and emptiness. Your self is in everything perceived, as if a consciousness was through and behind and supporting everything in flow.
Is that a quantum mechanical event, Jack? Being everywhere at once? There's something kind of miraculous about this quantum stuff, Hotboy.
Another wonderful Horizon programme this evening! What is reality? I love Horizon programmes about quantum physics and such. Also, I like the David Attenborough (?) shows. Once I thought I would like to sit in my terminal bed watching David Attenborough shows, but now I think this is my terminal bed since I am so old, and I would like them interspersed with the Horizon programmes, especially the ones about reality, which is what the one was about this evening. Well, it was about perception. Immediately, the joe says that we should be able to walk through walls ...
The folk who have left this place to go and live with the cacti and the lizards, the places with all the money and no values ... well, yous don't have the BBC, which is run by public school boys and liberal joes from such, and is the bestest thing in the world. It really is.
Tuesday 11:40 p.m.
I watched the Horizon programme again. Einstein said to Niels Bohr: Are you telling me the moon isn't there when we don't look at it? Bohr replies: Can you prove that the moon is there if nobody is looking at it?
Enlightenment is like the moon reflected on the water. The moon does not get wet, nor is the water broken. Although its light is wide and great, the moon is reflected even in a puddle an inch wide. The whole moon and the entire sky are reflected in dewdrops on the grass,or even in one drop of water.Zen Master Eihei Dogen
Brilliant bit of telly again!
"Quantum mechanics says I can walk through that wall. How often will it happen? Very rarely, but if I wait long enough, it will happen."
The same boy seems to think that reality is holographic. I think that means that the three dimensions idea is wrong somehow.
Of course, I can't understand this stuff, but neither can anyone else, it seems. Nobody can get their heads round it.
I like when they say the only way you can describe reality is through mathematics. I'm sure Pythagoras said something similar, as did Galileo as mentioned in the programme.
There's something bugging me about consciousness and perception and emptiness, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
Here, Sariputra, form is emptiness and the very emptiness is form; emptiness does not differ from form, form does not differ from emptiness; whatever is form, that is emptiness, whatever is emptiness, that is form, the same is true of feelings, perceptions, impulses and consciousness. Heart Sutra.
" The only thing that nihilism and the teaching of emptiness can be said to have in common is a sceptical outset. While nihilism concludes that reality is unknowable, that nothing exists, that nothing meaningful can be communicated about the world, the Buddhist notion of emptiness arrives at just the opposite, namely that ultimate reality is knowable, that there is a clear-cut ontological basis for phenomena, and that we can communicate and derive useful knowledge from it about the world. Emptiness (sunyata) must not be confused with nothingness. Emptiness is not non-existence and it is not non-reality."
Well, there it is.
Once I lost as sense of having an individual self when I had a wee experience of non-self and emptiness. Your self is in everything perceived, as if a consciousness was through and behind and supporting everything in flow.
Is that a quantum mechanical event, Jack? Being everywhere at once? There's something kind of miraculous about this quantum stuff, Hotboy.
Sunday 16 January 2011
Sunday Bliss Diary
Sunday 11:55 a.m.
Whilst waiting for the bread to come out of the oven!
I've hardly meditated today so far, but I've just finished doing a back bend, dog pose, tai chi set and headstand. So I'm ready.
It's ten days since I had any nicotine and the Nicotine Dragon seems well subdued. The Beer Monster has arisen of course, but I'm skint till a week on Wednesday, so penury should keep that in check. The flat is empty all afternoon. I'll start the meditations here and then maybe go and visit the hut. Because of the horrors of the holidays just gone, January has been pretty awful, but everything is now on the up and up. Hurrah! And here comes the bliss! Here comes the bliss!
1:55 p.m.
The first meditation of the day lasted for about an hour and fifty minutes. If you've never had access to any bliss, you can't begin to imagine it, and I certainly can't describe it to you. But that's just as good as it's ever been.
In the Life of Milarepa, it seems to recommend meditating at dawn and in the morning, at dusk and in the evening. I think these are the prime times. So that shouldn't have been even a good time to do it!
5:00 p.m.
Did a wee bit more than an hour in the hut. Practically Barbados compared to the last time I sat in the hut.
6:50 p.m.
That was an hour and fifty minutes just about in the lobby. It's only when you do the ones after nightfall that you realise the ones in the afternoon are rubbish!! Some of that definitely took me further than I've been before, especially with the vase breathing bits. I'll go and do 100 prostrations now.
That's about five hours meditation today so far. Not great for a Sunday, but I missed the morning sessions of course.
8:50 p.m.
Well, that must be six hours today anyway. I don't think it should be less than that for a Sunday. I did the 100 prostrations faster than I've ever done them before. Tons of energy due to all the sitting, I suppose. Sitting is as ying as you get get, therefore, leads to lots of yang!
----
That's the end of it today. Oh, how I wish I was retired already! I would meditate in the morning, write in the afternoon, and meditate in the evening. What a life that would be!!
Whilst waiting for the bread to come out of the oven!
I've hardly meditated today so far, but I've just finished doing a back bend, dog pose, tai chi set and headstand. So I'm ready.
It's ten days since I had any nicotine and the Nicotine Dragon seems well subdued. The Beer Monster has arisen of course, but I'm skint till a week on Wednesday, so penury should keep that in check. The flat is empty all afternoon. I'll start the meditations here and then maybe go and visit the hut. Because of the horrors of the holidays just gone, January has been pretty awful, but everything is now on the up and up. Hurrah! And here comes the bliss! Here comes the bliss!
1:55 p.m.
The first meditation of the day lasted for about an hour and fifty minutes. If you've never had access to any bliss, you can't begin to imagine it, and I certainly can't describe it to you. But that's just as good as it's ever been.
In the Life of Milarepa, it seems to recommend meditating at dawn and in the morning, at dusk and in the evening. I think these are the prime times. So that shouldn't have been even a good time to do it!
5:00 p.m.
Did a wee bit more than an hour in the hut. Practically Barbados compared to the last time I sat in the hut.
6:50 p.m.
That was an hour and fifty minutes just about in the lobby. It's only when you do the ones after nightfall that you realise the ones in the afternoon are rubbish!! Some of that definitely took me further than I've been before, especially with the vase breathing bits. I'll go and do 100 prostrations now.
That's about five hours meditation today so far. Not great for a Sunday, but I missed the morning sessions of course.
8:50 p.m.
Well, that must be six hours today anyway. I don't think it should be less than that for a Sunday. I did the 100 prostrations faster than I've ever done them before. Tons of energy due to all the sitting, I suppose. Sitting is as ying as you get get, therefore, leads to lots of yang!
----
That's the end of it today. Oh, how I wish I was retired already! I would meditate in the morning, write in the afternoon, and meditate in the evening. What a life that would be!!
Thursday 13 January 2011
Begging in the Beautiful, Wonderful city!
Thursday 10:00 p.m.
Whilst pissed!
There were no beggars in Bellshill. I didn't see anyone begging till I got to Edinburgh in 1969. They weren't beggars. They were tramps. Maybe tramps were there since the Road to Wigan Pier, and way before. I sat beside some tramps in the bit before the McEwan Hall, well before it was designed for skateboards, and was grassy, and asked this tramp how he got to be a tramp. Family breakdown, lost his house, etc.
There were only a few around. Once after I was panhandled by one in Buccheuch Place, this much scarier joe stopped me and said was he begging? A policeman!
Before I went to Australia in 1989, there were no beggars in the streets here. One or two joes with problems, but no professional beggars. They had appeared in London, I think, due to the changes in social security inflicted on us by the fascist regime of Maggie, and the disappearance of social security for some people of a certain age.
A year later, they were hanging around the art gallery on Princes Street with their disaffection and their dogs. These were our creation of fringe dwellers, not quite in our world and not quite out of it. They went away.
A wee while ago, these youngish women started appearing on the streets. They all sit the same way. They all plead the same with their wee plastic cups, saying change please, give me change.
Once you only saw our home grown beggars on Princes Street. Sometimes I would give them a few pennies, but usually not.
I stopped that when I was on the dole. The begging basturns were getting the same dole as me. This is a great country to be poor in. We have fought, sorry, not the evil bourgeois, but the working classes, have fought to get the dole in this country just as we fought for pensions and all that. We, or our antecedents, fought to get money when you didn't have work. So I'm on the social security in the 1970s and I don't feel bad about walking past the begging basturns, except there weren't many of them to walk passed in those days.
Once I was in the airport near Amsterdam and this joe starts hustling me for money, and I say that I don't speak English. He says you're funging Scottish. And so I was. And so was he. The Scots have begged everywhere. Anyway, after I admitted this and gave him a few bob, he says you are not allowed to be homeless in the Netherlands. He's outraged by this. He says you have to have an address.
Later on, I think this is a good idea, a brilliant idea. You have to have an address. This isn't so that the government can trace you. This is so you can get benefits. Even if your address is the local cop shop, you should have an address so that you can get some money. So every week you can go to the polis shop and get your money, so you are not left to starve on the streets. In the land of plenty, nobody should have to starve on the streets. This is civilisation.
The apogee! Today, I'm going to the local library to find out about getting a bus pass because I will soon be sixty years old. I love this. Not just because it means that I will save about five hundred pounds a year on bus fares, but because this is communism. You should pay your taxes and all sorts of things should be for free.
On the way there, I pass three youngish women of foreign origin, similarly dressed and poised, begging. I hate blanking beggars. It's an affront to me that there are beggars on the streets of this beautiful, wonderful city.
Where are they from and who put them there? Who drops them and who picks them up, and who takes the money off them?
If there are folk reduced to begging, there should be folk who's job it is to stop then being in that state. The polis should pick them up, the social workers should deal with them. It's a disgrace for this to be happening in a mature social democracy.
Why isn't anyone bothered about this?
Compassion and altruism, loving kindness, bliss and joy, heat and healing. Compassion and altruism is the basis of the path.
I must apologise if anyone out there thinks I'm a buddhist. I'm interested in buddhism, but I'm the sole representative and single member of the Disbelieving Congregation. I am interested in buddhism, but I'm interested in a lot of other things as well. It's just that they are not as interesting as buddhism. Not my kind of buddhism.
There should be no need to be a beggar. It's a failure of community. Of course, if you want to live on the streets, that should be okay. Here's my pitch. I've got my blanket and I can stand on my head and I do this a lot. I have a placard saying: Yogi Joe will meditate for you for ten minutes for a quid! Give me all your money! You evil, stupid basturns! Diogenes, ya bass!
Whilst pissed!
There were no beggars in Bellshill. I didn't see anyone begging till I got to Edinburgh in 1969. They weren't beggars. They were tramps. Maybe tramps were there since the Road to Wigan Pier, and way before. I sat beside some tramps in the bit before the McEwan Hall, well before it was designed for skateboards, and was grassy, and asked this tramp how he got to be a tramp. Family breakdown, lost his house, etc.
There were only a few around. Once after I was panhandled by one in Buccheuch Place, this much scarier joe stopped me and said was he begging? A policeman!
Before I went to Australia in 1989, there were no beggars in the streets here. One or two joes with problems, but no professional beggars. They had appeared in London, I think, due to the changes in social security inflicted on us by the fascist regime of Maggie, and the disappearance of social security for some people of a certain age.
A year later, they were hanging around the art gallery on Princes Street with their disaffection and their dogs. These were our creation of fringe dwellers, not quite in our world and not quite out of it. They went away.
A wee while ago, these youngish women started appearing on the streets. They all sit the same way. They all plead the same with their wee plastic cups, saying change please, give me change.
Once you only saw our home grown beggars on Princes Street. Sometimes I would give them a few pennies, but usually not.
I stopped that when I was on the dole. The begging basturns were getting the same dole as me. This is a great country to be poor in. We have fought, sorry, not the evil bourgeois, but the working classes, have fought to get the dole in this country just as we fought for pensions and all that. We, or our antecedents, fought to get money when you didn't have work. So I'm on the social security in the 1970s and I don't feel bad about walking past the begging basturns, except there weren't many of them to walk passed in those days.
Once I was in the airport near Amsterdam and this joe starts hustling me for money, and I say that I don't speak English. He says you're funging Scottish. And so I was. And so was he. The Scots have begged everywhere. Anyway, after I admitted this and gave him a few bob, he says you are not allowed to be homeless in the Netherlands. He's outraged by this. He says you have to have an address.
Later on, I think this is a good idea, a brilliant idea. You have to have an address. This isn't so that the government can trace you. This is so you can get benefits. Even if your address is the local cop shop, you should have an address so that you can get some money. So every week you can go to the polis shop and get your money, so you are not left to starve on the streets. In the land of plenty, nobody should have to starve on the streets. This is civilisation.
The apogee! Today, I'm going to the local library to find out about getting a bus pass because I will soon be sixty years old. I love this. Not just because it means that I will save about five hundred pounds a year on bus fares, but because this is communism. You should pay your taxes and all sorts of things should be for free.
On the way there, I pass three youngish women of foreign origin, similarly dressed and poised, begging. I hate blanking beggars. It's an affront to me that there are beggars on the streets of this beautiful, wonderful city.
Where are they from and who put them there? Who drops them and who picks them up, and who takes the money off them?
If there are folk reduced to begging, there should be folk who's job it is to stop then being in that state. The polis should pick them up, the social workers should deal with them. It's a disgrace for this to be happening in a mature social democracy.
Why isn't anyone bothered about this?
Compassion and altruism, loving kindness, bliss and joy, heat and healing. Compassion and altruism is the basis of the path.
I must apologise if anyone out there thinks I'm a buddhist. I'm interested in buddhism, but I'm the sole representative and single member of the Disbelieving Congregation. I am interested in buddhism, but I'm interested in a lot of other things as well. It's just that they are not as interesting as buddhism. Not my kind of buddhism.
There should be no need to be a beggar. It's a failure of community. Of course, if you want to live on the streets, that should be okay. Here's my pitch. I've got my blanket and I can stand on my head and I do this a lot. I have a placard saying: Yogi Joe will meditate for you for ten minutes for a quid! Give me all your money! You evil, stupid basturns! Diogenes, ya bass!
Sweet Thursday!
Thursday 6:30 p.m.
One of my excuses for getting the beers in last night was that I've been having trouble sleeping of late. Sober and straight and not getting to sleep. Wired maybe. This might have accounted for Sunday night, but Monday night was really weird. I don't think I slept much then at all. About four in the morning, I sat up and started meditating and thereafter spent a long time lying on my side with an awful lot of white light in my head, or as the visuals anyway. So on Tuesday I was falling asleep at my jobbie, sort of dozing off and jerking back into wakefulness at my desk.
Over the last couple of nights I've been remembering bits of quite a few dreaming episodes. Sometimes when my dreams aren't so good, they're about getting lost somewhere or not being able to get back to where I should be. I haven't had a really vivid one like that for some time, but this morning (after succumbing to the beer the night before) I dreamt that I was in a queue at a buffet. You had to walk round and fill your plate. I couldn't get any of the food onto mine, or it would slip off. Mainly this was fried eggs. The only food I could get onto the plate that stayed there was a rather greyish looking and not very appetising piece of dead animal. I couldn't get that off the plate! This just kept going on and on as I went round the circle of food.
You don't need Freud to analyse that one, do you, Jack? No, Hotboy. Your heid is mince!!
I've meditated for nearly five hours today so far and should get passed six before I hit the bottle of vino collapso I bought earlier. Oh well!
One of my excuses for getting the beers in last night was that I've been having trouble sleeping of late. Sober and straight and not getting to sleep. Wired maybe. This might have accounted for Sunday night, but Monday night was really weird. I don't think I slept much then at all. About four in the morning, I sat up and started meditating and thereafter spent a long time lying on my side with an awful lot of white light in my head, or as the visuals anyway. So on Tuesday I was falling asleep at my jobbie, sort of dozing off and jerking back into wakefulness at my desk.
Over the last couple of nights I've been remembering bits of quite a few dreaming episodes. Sometimes when my dreams aren't so good, they're about getting lost somewhere or not being able to get back to where I should be. I haven't had a really vivid one like that for some time, but this morning (after succumbing to the beer the night before) I dreamt that I was in a queue at a buffet. You had to walk round and fill your plate. I couldn't get any of the food onto mine, or it would slip off. Mainly this was fried eggs. The only food I could get onto the plate that stayed there was a rather greyish looking and not very appetising piece of dead animal. I couldn't get that off the plate! This just kept going on and on as I went round the circle of food.
You don't need Freud to analyse that one, do you, Jack? No, Hotboy. Your heid is mince!!
I've meditated for nearly five hours today so far and should get passed six before I hit the bottle of vino collapso I bought earlier. Oh well!
Wednesday 12 January 2011
More like moi!
Wednesday 11:15 p.m.
I took Mary Queen of Scots advice and went out and bought four bottles of beer instead of pretending to be someone else. I'll do that once I get down to the Samye, and maybe afterwards. You should feel rich when you give things up, and not think it's been imposed.
They had Erdinger in Peckhams! Also, I got to speak to the lovely Polish lady who works there. I would ask her to marry me once the Domestic Bliss falls under a bus, but I'm afraid that she might not be able to support me in the style to which I have become accustomed. Soup and breid and standing on your heid! If it wasn't for the drink and drugs ...
I think she knows about ra bliss, Hotboy! Do you, Jack? Yes! She knows about ra bliss. Subtley. At least, she knows you are a pissheid less ordinary, and being a Pole, they expect all men to be pissheids. No vodka. Just nice expensive beers, please. We have a karmic connection.
I went walking with Poisonous down by the way under the Telford Bridge and she was sitting on her ownio on a bench one day. She smiled as we passed and said hullo to me. The Poisonous asked about this and I said that I did not know her, but she obviously dug the care in the community clothes I was wearing.
Some folk like poets and hopeless folk, so they do!
I took Mary Queen of Scots advice and went out and bought four bottles of beer instead of pretending to be someone else. I'll do that once I get down to the Samye, and maybe afterwards. You should feel rich when you give things up, and not think it's been imposed.
They had Erdinger in Peckhams! Also, I got to speak to the lovely Polish lady who works there. I would ask her to marry me once the Domestic Bliss falls under a bus, but I'm afraid that she might not be able to support me in the style to which I have become accustomed. Soup and breid and standing on your heid! If it wasn't for the drink and drugs ...
I think she knows about ra bliss, Hotboy! Do you, Jack? Yes! She knows about ra bliss. Subtley. At least, she knows you are a pissheid less ordinary, and being a Pole, they expect all men to be pissheids. No vodka. Just nice expensive beers, please. We have a karmic connection.
I went walking with Poisonous down by the way under the Telford Bridge and she was sitting on her ownio on a bench one day. She smiled as we passed and said hullo to me. The Poisonous asked about this and I said that I did not know her, but she obviously dug the care in the community clothes I was wearing.
Some folk like poets and hopeless folk, so they do!
More on Horizon!
Wednesday 7:30 p.m.
So when energy (heat) gets removed from matter (helium) as it approaches absolute zero temperatures, the matter starts behaving in a bizarre fashion. Like in a quantum way.
This is the third example of quantum stuff appearing in the big world. Photosynthesis and smell work in a quantum way, so we wouldn't be here if it wasn't happening
At the end of the universe will there just be a lot of photons and everything getting colder and colder. I think that's one theory. At the end of expansion.
Prana and kundalini are supposed to be the energies that move the world. Maybe these are two names for the same thing.
Some folk don't like talk of energies and such like as concerns our bodies, but they don't ever feel it and I can sometimes. It shows up as the wibbly wobbly stuff going up your body and as heat, or in my case, some warmth.
The end result of the juju I'm trying to do (well, footering around with!), is for the energies in your meridians to be drawn into the central channel thus causing a pause in your vital functions, like breathing.
Is there some kind of correspondence here?
We have matter without the energies normally associated with matter (You don't get anywhere near absolute zero on this planet normally) in both cases. The difference is, of course, that human bodies has mind attached and helium doesn't. Maybe consciousness gets weird when the breathing is paused. Hmmm?
In the Disbelieving Congregation we embrace our ignorance; we don't believe in any things, especially thoughts, so there's no point in going on about miracles and such like since I've never seen any, apart from the ordinary ones like human beings, but I have had at least one example of clairvoyance if you take that to mean someone knowing what your thinking without you telling them as such.
I'm tired from doing a run today and I've had a traumatic day or two at the jobbie, and I could go with getting a couple of bottles of beer, but I'll try not to.
You could always give up the beer after your birthday and after you've been for the week to the Samye ling, Hotboy. Yes, you could, Jack. Mañana, mañana.
So when energy (heat) gets removed from matter (helium) as it approaches absolute zero temperatures, the matter starts behaving in a bizarre fashion. Like in a quantum way.
This is the third example of quantum stuff appearing in the big world. Photosynthesis and smell work in a quantum way, so we wouldn't be here if it wasn't happening
At the end of the universe will there just be a lot of photons and everything getting colder and colder. I think that's one theory. At the end of expansion.
Prana and kundalini are supposed to be the energies that move the world. Maybe these are two names for the same thing.
Some folk don't like talk of energies and such like as concerns our bodies, but they don't ever feel it and I can sometimes. It shows up as the wibbly wobbly stuff going up your body and as heat, or in my case, some warmth.
The end result of the juju I'm trying to do (well, footering around with!), is for the energies in your meridians to be drawn into the central channel thus causing a pause in your vital functions, like breathing.
Is there some kind of correspondence here?
We have matter without the energies normally associated with matter (You don't get anywhere near absolute zero on this planet normally) in both cases. The difference is, of course, that human bodies has mind attached and helium doesn't. Maybe consciousness gets weird when the breathing is paused. Hmmm?
In the Disbelieving Congregation we embrace our ignorance; we don't believe in any things, especially thoughts, so there's no point in going on about miracles and such like since I've never seen any, apart from the ordinary ones like human beings, but I have had at least one example of clairvoyance if you take that to mean someone knowing what your thinking without you telling them as such.
I'm tired from doing a run today and I've had a traumatic day or two at the jobbie, and I could go with getting a couple of bottles of beer, but I'll try not to.
You could always give up the beer after your birthday and after you've been for the week to the Samye ling, Hotboy. Yes, you could, Jack. Mañana, mañana.
Tuesday 11 January 2011
Horizon
Tuesday!
I'm a big fan of Horizon programmes on BBC2. The one last night had two good bits in it just for me!
In buddhism, I think, everything is supposed to be subject to change, so once I was quite interested in absolutes. Absolutes don't change. Because of this I was interested for a bit in Absolute Zero. I think that's awful cold. When there's no energy in stuff, I reckoned it couldn't be changing and so I was interested in whether it was possible to get down to absolute zero; if anyone had managed this or if the figure they had for it was just an extension of a graph.
According to the programme, no one has ever reached Absolute Zero. Hurrah!
However, the experimenter was getting pretty close on the telly last night. He was cooling liquified helium. When stuff gets so cold, it starts to behave in a quantum phyics way. It seems the helium stops acting like particles. It was contained in something, but when it got really cold, the helium just started dripping out of the container anyway, like just going through the substance at the bottom of the container, which you wouldn't think would be possible.
I loved the presenter's face at this point. He said that's what matter is really like .... when you take the energy away.
You're everywhere and nowhere, baby!
I was interested in the weirdness of quantum stuff because some of the miracles you read about seem to correspond in some kind of weird way. The liquid helium at this very low temprature is like walking through walls as if they weren't solid.
I'm a big fan of the BBC though I didn't pay a license fee until they paid me for a radio play ... out of the license fee, of course!
I'm a big fan of Horizon programmes on BBC2. The one last night had two good bits in it just for me!
In buddhism, I think, everything is supposed to be subject to change, so once I was quite interested in absolutes. Absolutes don't change. Because of this I was interested for a bit in Absolute Zero. I think that's awful cold. When there's no energy in stuff, I reckoned it couldn't be changing and so I was interested in whether it was possible to get down to absolute zero; if anyone had managed this or if the figure they had for it was just an extension of a graph.
According to the programme, no one has ever reached Absolute Zero. Hurrah!
However, the experimenter was getting pretty close on the telly last night. He was cooling liquified helium. When stuff gets so cold, it starts to behave in a quantum phyics way. It seems the helium stops acting like particles. It was contained in something, but when it got really cold, the helium just started dripping out of the container anyway, like just going through the substance at the bottom of the container, which you wouldn't think would be possible.
I loved the presenter's face at this point. He said that's what matter is really like .... when you take the energy away.
You're everywhere and nowhere, baby!
I was interested in the weirdness of quantum stuff because some of the miracles you read about seem to correspond in some kind of weird way. The liquid helium at this very low temprature is like walking through walls as if they weren't solid.
I'm a big fan of the BBC though I didn't pay a license fee until they paid me for a radio play ... out of the license fee, of course!
Monday 10 January 2011
Oh, Christmas Tree!
Monday 8:15 p.m.
Just took the Christmas tree out of the flat and threw it in the big communal bin. Good riddance! If I never see another one of them ...
The meditations before that are coming back to where they were. At last! Let's hope for the quiet life!!
I booked up for the week at the Samye Ling today. Partly because I haven't been down there so much recently, I can't say I'm really looking forward to this visit. I'll do it because it is good for me. Right now it feels a bit like booking up for an open prison. On the other hand, when it was very tough to do, I did book in for a couple of Christmases there and they were by far the best ones I've ever had. So ...
Just took the Christmas tree out of the flat and threw it in the big communal bin. Good riddance! If I never see another one of them ...
The meditations before that are coming back to where they were. At last! Let's hope for the quiet life!!
I booked up for the week at the Samye Ling today. Partly because I haven't been down there so much recently, I can't say I'm really looking forward to this visit. I'll do it because it is good for me. Right now it feels a bit like booking up for an open prison. On the other hand, when it was very tough to do, I did book in for a couple of Christmases there and they were by far the best ones I've ever had. So ...
2011's prospects
Monday 11:40 a.m.
Today is really the start of the new year, the time when you get back to work and the holidays are safely behind you. I really don't like this time of the year, especially now that my half of the public holidays have been used up. Any Monday holidays in future will come off my annual leave.
Other than that, the prospects for this year are looking pretty good. For the first year in a long time it looks as if I might be getting published. Dale Robertson of Wells Fargo seems to want to do any unpublished books as ebooks with a hard copy if you want one. This is the modern world and certainly the only way I can see of getting published again. However, I am not anticipating getting published really or expecting anything from it. I haven't seen a contract yet and I haven't seen any money, so the deal is still putative. The problem with ebooks is that nobody has set any rules yet. Obviously, if I'm expected to give away the rights to my books for a lengthy period of time, the deal won't go ahead. I've no problems with setting up a web page of my own with paypal, etc. The kiddo and her boyfriend are having to do this anyway for their art work, so the knowledge will be there. The last thing you should expect if you don't write in a genre is to make any money. I have hoped to make money all my adult life from novels and so far have made about two and a half grand. But I expect the books will be available somehow quite soon.
It's been five days since I began to wrestle with the Nicotine Dragon and the withdrawals are almost all gone now. Last night was the first sober and straight going to bed since Wednesday. I'm very happy with this. The quality of the pizza has been so poor recently that I should be able to forgo that as well.
Every time I cut back on the pollutions the meditations become better and better. You're not really playing the game the way it should be played if you're smoking anything or drinking anything. So here goes again!! At least, January is always quiet since nobody has any money or much inclination to socialise. At least, I hope that.
I don't know if I'll start writing again this year. I might. I certainly be reading a lot more!
This year, of course, I'll be sixty years old. I'm looking forward to getting a free bus pass. I could retire when I'm sixty, but I haven't got any money. I'd have to live on under five grand a year and I don't think that's possible! Anyway, I'll be out of this jobbie soon enough. Can't wait really!
Today is really the start of the new year, the time when you get back to work and the holidays are safely behind you. I really don't like this time of the year, especially now that my half of the public holidays have been used up. Any Monday holidays in future will come off my annual leave.
Other than that, the prospects for this year are looking pretty good. For the first year in a long time it looks as if I might be getting published. Dale Robertson of Wells Fargo seems to want to do any unpublished books as ebooks with a hard copy if you want one. This is the modern world and certainly the only way I can see of getting published again. However, I am not anticipating getting published really or expecting anything from it. I haven't seen a contract yet and I haven't seen any money, so the deal is still putative. The problem with ebooks is that nobody has set any rules yet. Obviously, if I'm expected to give away the rights to my books for a lengthy period of time, the deal won't go ahead. I've no problems with setting up a web page of my own with paypal, etc. The kiddo and her boyfriend are having to do this anyway for their art work, so the knowledge will be there. The last thing you should expect if you don't write in a genre is to make any money. I have hoped to make money all my adult life from novels and so far have made about two and a half grand. But I expect the books will be available somehow quite soon.
It's been five days since I began to wrestle with the Nicotine Dragon and the withdrawals are almost all gone now. Last night was the first sober and straight going to bed since Wednesday. I'm very happy with this. The quality of the pizza has been so poor recently that I should be able to forgo that as well.
Every time I cut back on the pollutions the meditations become better and better. You're not really playing the game the way it should be played if you're smoking anything or drinking anything. So here goes again!! At least, January is always quiet since nobody has any money or much inclination to socialise. At least, I hope that.
I don't know if I'll start writing again this year. I might. I certainly be reading a lot more!
This year, of course, I'll be sixty years old. I'm looking forward to getting a free bus pass. I could retire when I'm sixty, but I haven't got any money. I'd have to live on under five grand a year and I don't think that's possible! Anyway, I'll be out of this jobbie soon enough. Can't wait really!
Saturday 8 January 2011
The old man!
Saturday 11:45 p.m.
One of the inducements to practise the juju is to remember about the preciousness and fragility of human life. One of the four common foundations.
So when I was nearing fifty, I thought I should resurrect the idea I had in my twenties that my life expectancy should be the same as my old man's, and he died when he was fifty two; rather unexpectedly, but not to me.
My old man had a bad chist. I think he was obviously dead smart, but made his money laying bricks. I wanted to emulate my old man when I became fifty and I wanted to give up smoking and drinking. My old man did not smoke or drink, was a committed catholic, a good family man, and a bit iconic to me. His children had a lot of his wife in them. We were taller and more robust, but as I've grown older, I've become more like my old man, I think.
So I'll try again.
The home brew is finished tonight. I haven't had any tobacco for four days and that's not been as much of a bother as it used to be.
What do you want, Hotboy? I want to be happy, Jack! I will not smoke. I will not drink. I will not ejaculate. I will be happy.
I can do the bliss and all, but I am not happy in myself. I have to find my tao. However, if I stop doing all the bad things for a few months, I'm sure I will settle into a more happy frame of mind. I know that essentially I am wonderful and so is everyone else. You get rid of the shit and ra bliss comes through. This is not easy. This takes a certain amount of austerity.
This might be a grim January. I've had a lot of grim Januarys. They are the hangovers from the Sanity Clause basturns. Anyway, we are just bits of other people. I'll try to find the bits of my old man and hope for help from that over the next wee while. And also from all the other dead people I know. Especially Tony.
One of the inducements to practise the juju is to remember about the preciousness and fragility of human life. One of the four common foundations.
So when I was nearing fifty, I thought I should resurrect the idea I had in my twenties that my life expectancy should be the same as my old man's, and he died when he was fifty two; rather unexpectedly, but not to me.
My old man had a bad chist. I think he was obviously dead smart, but made his money laying bricks. I wanted to emulate my old man when I became fifty and I wanted to give up smoking and drinking. My old man did not smoke or drink, was a committed catholic, a good family man, and a bit iconic to me. His children had a lot of his wife in them. We were taller and more robust, but as I've grown older, I've become more like my old man, I think.
So I'll try again.
The home brew is finished tonight. I haven't had any tobacco for four days and that's not been as much of a bother as it used to be.
What do you want, Hotboy? I want to be happy, Jack! I will not smoke. I will not drink. I will not ejaculate. I will be happy.
I can do the bliss and all, but I am not happy in myself. I have to find my tao. However, if I stop doing all the bad things for a few months, I'm sure I will settle into a more happy frame of mind. I know that essentially I am wonderful and so is everyone else. You get rid of the shit and ra bliss comes through. This is not easy. This takes a certain amount of austerity.
This might be a grim January. I've had a lot of grim Januarys. They are the hangovers from the Sanity Clause basturns. Anyway, we are just bits of other people. I'll try to find the bits of my old man and hope for help from that over the next wee while. And also from all the other dead people I know. Especially Tony.
Photies!
The Botanics were snow covered this afternoon. Two of the photies were taken there; the other two were from a walk up to allotment two days ago.
Friday 7 January 2011
Silvest, he's my brother!
2:00 a.m.
I went to see the auld maw today. My brother was there. So there's the four of us in the once council house. Me and Silvest and the auld maw and the auntie Kathy. My brother Silvest is now about 72 and he's started doing the caring thing with his auld maw. And when he leaves, the auld maw surmises that he is going to see his girlfriend/carer who's having a bad time with her chist, but there is no mention of her son who is doing the long time in the jail for stabbing her nine times.
My auld maw is really getting some caring from her sister, the auntie Kathy, but my auntie Kathy is not acknowledged for this. She puts food in front of the auld maw and some biscuits and that kind of thing, the way women used to do for men. A servant. So usually she sits and says nothing, except to me. She's eighty three years old and smokes menthol cigarettes because they are the healthy ones. Anyway, she doesn't cough. The auld maw is about 92 and she spends a lot of time upstairs, so auntie Kathy can sit downstairs and smoke the menthol fags. My maw gave up fags when she was seventy and apart from the haemorrhaging lungs one time, she's been fine since.
So I say hello to Silvest, and tell him such things like my friend winning the money on the horses, and such like things. It's really nice to see him. Then he goes away. The auntie Kathy says that he's forgotten his fags and lighter, and I say that's alright. I get out the door and run after him. I know that everyone will think this is amazing. The auld maw and the auntie Kathy have never ever run anywhere. Silvest is like John Wayne, so he's not running anywhere either.
I'm kind of amazed as well, as I run across the grass and get him to turn round and hand him the fags and the lighter.
I'm so fond of him . He's my brother Silvest, row of forty medals on his chest, big chest. The soul of compassion. It's like the joys of being working class.
I went to see the auld maw today. My brother was there. So there's the four of us in the once council house. Me and Silvest and the auld maw and the auntie Kathy. My brother Silvest is now about 72 and he's started doing the caring thing with his auld maw. And when he leaves, the auld maw surmises that he is going to see his girlfriend/carer who's having a bad time with her chist, but there is no mention of her son who is doing the long time in the jail for stabbing her nine times.
My auld maw is really getting some caring from her sister, the auntie Kathy, but my auntie Kathy is not acknowledged for this. She puts food in front of the auld maw and some biscuits and that kind of thing, the way women used to do for men. A servant. So usually she sits and says nothing, except to me. She's eighty three years old and smokes menthol cigarettes because they are the healthy ones. Anyway, she doesn't cough. The auld maw is about 92 and she spends a lot of time upstairs, so auntie Kathy can sit downstairs and smoke the menthol fags. My maw gave up fags when she was seventy and apart from the haemorrhaging lungs one time, she's been fine since.
So I say hello to Silvest, and tell him such things like my friend winning the money on the horses, and such like things. It's really nice to see him. Then he goes away. The auntie Kathy says that he's forgotten his fags and lighter, and I say that's alright. I get out the door and run after him. I know that everyone will think this is amazing. The auld maw and the auntie Kathy have never ever run anywhere. Silvest is like John Wayne, so he's not running anywhere either.
I'm kind of amazed as well, as I run across the grass and get him to turn round and hand him the fags and the lighter.
I'm so fond of him . He's my brother Silvest, row of forty medals on his chest, big chest. The soul of compassion. It's like the joys of being working class.
Day 3
Friday 8:00 p.m.
Can't say the nicotine withdrawals have been too much of a problem. What I was worried about was losing the rag about .. well, nothing much at all. I've felt a bit antsy sometimes when I've been meditating and my nerves haven't really settle down yet, but it's been much easier to deal with than I had imagined. The evenings have been the worst. Boring. This is boredom you can afford. But I've had some home brew for the last two nights to tide me over, and I'll probably have some tonight as well. Of course, I haven't seen many people and that's always a help. Every day in every way I'm getting better and better and better. And now that I'm nearly sixty I have to stop smoking!!!
Can't say the nicotine withdrawals have been too much of a problem. What I was worried about was losing the rag about .. well, nothing much at all. I've felt a bit antsy sometimes when I've been meditating and my nerves haven't really settle down yet, but it's been much easier to deal with than I had imagined. The evenings have been the worst. Boring. This is boredom you can afford. But I've had some home brew for the last two nights to tide me over, and I'll probably have some tonight as well. Of course, I haven't seen many people and that's always a help. Every day in every way I'm getting better and better and better. And now that I'm nearly sixty I have to stop smoking!!!
Thursday 6 January 2011
Correspondences between Milarepa and Christ.
10:40 p.m.
And on the second day, he got a bit pissed as was his wont whilst lacking in the cannybliss (and baccy!)
Some similar things about Christ and Milarepa. I think Christ was a buddhist. Or a hindu. The forty days and nights in the desert .... some cats got it and some cats aint.
Milarepa said you had to love other people more than yourself.
When he was dying, he directed his disciples to the stuff buried under his hearth, his 'gold'. One thing was a sugar cube and another was a bit of cloth. So you could half the cube and half the bit of cloth and the bits remaining were the same size as the original. Loaves and fishes.
Milarepa was supposed to be a buddha. In his story, he says that he could go to buddha realms and divide into numerous entities, but in his dreams. He didn't say he could do this while he was awake. Buddhas are supposed to be omnicient, but what does that mean?
There are a lot of miracles at the end of the Milarepa story, when he decides as a hermit to go and die in one of the caves. At this time it says he appeared to lots of flatheids and seems to have divided up himself in some way. People had simultaneous experiences of his presence. I think this is in the Christ story as well, but after he'd been crucified and rose again.
Of course, in the Disbelieving Congregation we don't believe in any things, but these correspondences I thought were interesting, especially as regards the compassion.
Interesting programme this evening on BBC Three about cannybliss. Lots of kids on screen smoking dope. They don't expect to get arrested. My generation was traumatised by the domestic busts, the doors getting kicked in, the arrests for traces.
The fascist basturns will all go to hell, won't they, Jack? Don't worry about that, Hotboy. They'll all go to hell.
And on the second day, he got a bit pissed as was his wont whilst lacking in the cannybliss (and baccy!)
Some similar things about Christ and Milarepa. I think Christ was a buddhist. Or a hindu. The forty days and nights in the desert .... some cats got it and some cats aint.
Milarepa said you had to love other people more than yourself.
When he was dying, he directed his disciples to the stuff buried under his hearth, his 'gold'. One thing was a sugar cube and another was a bit of cloth. So you could half the cube and half the bit of cloth and the bits remaining were the same size as the original. Loaves and fishes.
Milarepa was supposed to be a buddha. In his story, he says that he could go to buddha realms and divide into numerous entities, but in his dreams. He didn't say he could do this while he was awake. Buddhas are supposed to be omnicient, but what does that mean?
There are a lot of miracles at the end of the Milarepa story, when he decides as a hermit to go and die in one of the caves. At this time it says he appeared to lots of flatheids and seems to have divided up himself in some way. People had simultaneous experiences of his presence. I think this is in the Christ story as well, but after he'd been crucified and rose again.
Of course, in the Disbelieving Congregation we don't believe in any things, but these correspondences I thought were interesting, especially as regards the compassion.
Interesting programme this evening on BBC Three about cannybliss. Lots of kids on screen smoking dope. They don't expect to get arrested. My generation was traumatised by the domestic busts, the doors getting kicked in, the arrests for traces.
The fascist basturns will all go to hell, won't they, Jack? Don't worry about that, Hotboy. They'll all go to hell.
Day 2!
The effects of no tobacco today were much diminished compared to yesterday. The main problem has been a difficulty in settling into the meditations. Kind of waiting for the time to run by.
I used some time up by walking through the Botanics and I did sit in the hut for a wee while. The photies are of the trees in Inverleith Park.
Wednesday 5 January 2011
The New Year Upwards!
12:05 a.m.
Things that might happen this year.
1) I might finally be able to stop blogging. I was advised to start blogging when I did start to attract attention to my webpage with free books on it, which was to attract a literary agent. This did not work. But I did get a literary agent nonetheless. Now I think I have some connections through this thing and ... well, do I have connections through this thing? Yes, I do. Jeannie looks at it.
2) I might stop blogging this year. I might stop blogging if I stop drinking. I might stop blogging if I get told to by people who might give me money to stop, or say that I might get less money if I go on. If I got books published in some form, I might be told that writing this crap isn't helping. With my profile.
3) I might stop blogging and start writing. I was casting my mind back recently to the dissolving of sentences and the construction of sentences, and I really liked doing that kind of hard graft with the writing thing once. Maybe it's because I don't write anymore really. Maybe I would like to have a go at that again. Breaking things down and building them up. As soon as you get any kind of success, you might stop doing that. And just whore away.
The shape of life ... the moment by moment (are you enjoying this?) and the shape of your life are kind of two different things. If you can get your mind to go to the bliss, in a moment by moment view, you might be reassured. If you can die in the bliss, you get both. Unfortunately, though personnally that might be alright for you, the flatheids don't get the moment by moment bliss and joy, neither do they get the good stuff in the shape at the end. I know I'm not much better, but watching them wriggling and struggling, and staggering about with their heads up their bums ...
There will be no flatheids in this year. I love flatheids. Well, they are usually alright when they are young. Over thirty, you should impale themselves. But I'm giving up on the too dumb to meditate this year. There are no sentient beings. If there are any, fung them! I'd like to die, but I'd like all of them to die first. Twisted and screaming as they do. Unless I can achieve some compassion for them in this new year, I suppose I'll be funged as well. But not as funged at them! How could you be as funged up as that?
Things that might happen this year.
1) I might finally be able to stop blogging. I was advised to start blogging when I did start to attract attention to my webpage with free books on it, which was to attract a literary agent. This did not work. But I did get a literary agent nonetheless. Now I think I have some connections through this thing and ... well, do I have connections through this thing? Yes, I do. Jeannie looks at it.
2) I might stop blogging this year. I might stop blogging if I stop drinking. I might stop blogging if I get told to by people who might give me money to stop, or say that I might get less money if I go on. If I got books published in some form, I might be told that writing this crap isn't helping. With my profile.
3) I might stop blogging and start writing. I was casting my mind back recently to the dissolving of sentences and the construction of sentences, and I really liked doing that kind of hard graft with the writing thing once. Maybe it's because I don't write anymore really. Maybe I would like to have a go at that again. Breaking things down and building them up. As soon as you get any kind of success, you might stop doing that. And just whore away.
The shape of life ... the moment by moment (are you enjoying this?) and the shape of your life are kind of two different things. If you can get your mind to go to the bliss, in a moment by moment view, you might be reassured. If you can die in the bliss, you get both. Unfortunately, though personnally that might be alright for you, the flatheids don't get the moment by moment bliss and joy, neither do they get the good stuff in the shape at the end. I know I'm not much better, but watching them wriggling and struggling, and staggering about with their heads up their bums ...
There will be no flatheids in this year. I love flatheids. Well, they are usually alright when they are young. Over thirty, you should impale themselves. But I'm giving up on the too dumb to meditate this year. There are no sentient beings. If there are any, fung them! I'd like to die, but I'd like all of them to die first. Twisted and screaming as they do. Unless I can achieve some compassion for them in this new year, I suppose I'll be funged as well. But not as funged at them! How could you be as funged up as that?
During the Nicotine Dragon Death Throes!
The photies were taken this morning on the way to the jobbie; the first two on Princes Street as usual; and the last one as the No 12 turned at the PC World down in Costorphine.
This is the first day with no nicotine after three weeks of nicotine every day, which followed a month with none. C'est la vie. There won't be much of a problem giving up again. There would be if I had some bob hope, but I haven't, so there won't be. Actually, I've been looking forward to running out. Purification and accumulation!! Here we come!!
Tuesday 4 January 2011
New Year status!
Tuesday 2:20 p.m.
What a good holiday this has been! Almost unmarked, unbruised, unbowed. I was up on Hogmanay till five, but other than that good order prevailed. Three times on the beer over the holiday and no hangovers. Hurrah!
I'm going to be sixty this February so I should be dead already. Since I was supposed to have a life expectancy of fifty two, that nearly eight years in the gravy. For most of these eight years I've been meditating for about forty hours most weeks and the rest of the time has been largely wasted, but the meditations continue to be so sustaining.
I'm into the bliss, Jack!! I'm so into the bliss! I'm sorry about the too dumb to meditate and all the flatheids, but we are the authors of our own misfortunes and good luck to them all as they stand braced against the slings and arrows with their heads stuck up their bums. I'm not that sorry for them. Fung them!
I go back to work tomorrow and I'm in for one of those new year's when the Nicotine Dragon will have be screwered, so I will surely realise then that samsara and nirvana are just down to your point of view! Oh, well. Onward and upward!
What a good holiday this has been! Almost unmarked, unbruised, unbowed. I was up on Hogmanay till five, but other than that good order prevailed. Three times on the beer over the holiday and no hangovers. Hurrah!
I'm going to be sixty this February so I should be dead already. Since I was supposed to have a life expectancy of fifty two, that nearly eight years in the gravy. For most of these eight years I've been meditating for about forty hours most weeks and the rest of the time has been largely wasted, but the meditations continue to be so sustaining.
I'm into the bliss, Jack!! I'm so into the bliss! I'm sorry about the too dumb to meditate and all the flatheids, but we are the authors of our own misfortunes and good luck to them all as they stand braced against the slings and arrows with their heads stuck up their bums. I'm not that sorry for them. Fung them!
I go back to work tomorrow and I'm in for one of those new year's when the Nicotine Dragon will have be screwered, so I will surely realise then that samsara and nirvana are just down to your point of view! Oh, well. Onward and upward!
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