Saturday 11:45 p.m.
One of the inducements to practise the juju is to remember about the preciousness and fragility of human life. One of the four common foundations.
So when I was nearing fifty, I thought I should resurrect the idea I had in my twenties that my life expectancy should be the same as my old man's, and he died when he was fifty two; rather unexpectedly, but not to me.
My old man had a bad chist. I think he was obviously dead smart, but made his money laying bricks. I wanted to emulate my old man when I became fifty and I wanted to give up smoking and drinking. My old man did not smoke or drink, was a committed catholic, a good family man, and a bit iconic to me. His children had a lot of his wife in them. We were taller and more robust, but as I've grown older, I've become more like my old man, I think.
So I'll try again.
The home brew is finished tonight. I haven't had any tobacco for four days and that's not been as much of a bother as it used to be.
What do you want, Hotboy? I want to be happy, Jack! I will not smoke. I will not drink. I will not ejaculate. I will be happy.
I can do the bliss and all, but I am not happy in myself. I have to find my tao. However, if I stop doing all the bad things for a few months, I'm sure I will settle into a more happy frame of mind. I know that essentially I am wonderful and so is everyone else. You get rid of the shit and ra bliss comes through. This is not easy. This takes a certain amount of austerity.
This might be a grim January. I've had a lot of grim Januarys. They are the hangovers from the Sanity Clause basturns. Anyway, we are just bits of other people. I'll try to find the bits of my old man and hope for help from that over the next wee while. And also from all the other dead people I know. Especially Tony.
7 comments:
You don't have to find anything to be happy. You simply have to choose to be happy. It really is that simple.
No matter what is going on around you or you choose to do you can be happy.
Just decide to be. You can be grumpy at what is going on and still be happy in your head.
You think setting up the 'perfect' situation will make you happy. But it won't, you'll still be you in that situation.
The old saying is true. "Where ever you go, there you are."
Decide first that you are happy, the rest will follow.
Marie! Maybe there's happy and happy! I'm wanting to eliminate negative thought and feelings I get as a result of my bad habits. This has not been a good few days (due to bad habits!!), but I'm generally the happiest person I know. I could be happy with smoking and drinking if it didn't result in some feelings of self-loathing. I don't like doing bad things to myself! Hotboy
I say!
Two months! It won't happen.
MM III
Mingin'! I've given up drinking for a year at a time two or three times before. I really want to do that again. Do you want to bet? Hotboy
I say!
OK. I bet you a pint.
MM III
Stop beating yourself up. It is a waste of energy. Either accept who you are and do the best with what you've got to work with.
Or change your habits. I know you are a happy person, so am I.
But I'll never be a perfect one. I have rage issues. But they aren't me, they are choices I make about my behaviour.
Just like your 'bad' habits. Stop whinging, and just do it.
Count the hours that you spend not doing the 'bad things' instead of the minutes you do them. Change your outlook.
Marie! I'm looking forward to wonderful meditations as the pollutions decline. I haven't got any money for bad habits until February anyway!! I've always enjoyed the times when I've given up beer for a year. And smoking is just stupid now that my lungs are getting knackered! Hotboy
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