Since last summer.

Saturday 11:50 p.m.
                              I went down to the Samye Ling to see the root guru last summer, and I hadn't spoken to him for about six years before that. One doesn't know if this joe even knows who one is, but he had been kind of looking in my direction whenever he did look at me throughout this time, and he didn't smile. He wasn't scowling, but he wasn't smiling either. Sometimes he'd be leading this monky nunny pack around the pond first thing in the morning, before breakfast, and Teresa would look over and smile at me as I was doing the tai chi set in front of the stupa, and he wouldn't.
                             I've been a disappointment to a few folk, but I hope I haven't been a disappointment to him, but I probably have.
                             Could you have tried harder, Hotboy? Everyone who has tried to teach me anything knows that I could have tried harder, Jack.
                              Since he spoke to me last summer, I have not posted here about the bliss all that much, and I have not said anything about the vase breathing,  and whatnot. This is, I think, not so bad since almost nobody who comes to this bloggy, and very few of them who do, meditate. So they are flatheids, and there is no point in telling flatheids about the bliss. Once I thought it was bound to make a difference, but unfortunately this is not so.
                            It is not all about the bliss. Sometimes, when the accumulations and purifications are working out the way they should, it can seem to be all about the bliss, but sometimes you've just got to dig in. This is not really about the sweeties. You get sweeties, but it is about perseverance and effort as well. So I should not go on about the bliss, when I'm not going to describe the effort.
                            You can make life easy for yourself. So you could. You could blow your brains out. I enjoy trying to do the bliss, but I do not enjoy most of the rest of the human being stuff. What must it be like sometimes if you can't even do the bliss?
                            I felt exhausted last night, but didn't sleep when I went to  bed, so I sat up and meditated till three. I was up at eight, but never quite right throughout the day, feeling tired if not exhausted, but I didn't see anyone all day and ate little, meditated a lot. But I won't tell you about the bliss. Then the consigliere came and saw me and he was in great form, which was fantastic, and then he went away, and I started meditating again.
                           If you do it all the time, it's easy. The interruptions to speak to the flatheids are what kill. you. It's difficult to explain this to the monkey folk who only look out.
                           But I am such a fortunate creature! Tomorrow I will go up to the diggings and do the last of the tattie plantings, and pour Growmore into the voids above the seed potatoes, and wait and be happy.
                           I would like to engage in lots of sex and take some really good drugs, but that was in another country and, besides, the wench is dead. Shakespeare, Jack. Nobody reads it, Jack. But it was kind of Shakespeare, so it was.