Sides of a coin.

Saturday night, 9:58 p.m.
                                      Getting pissed.
                                       I have to take responsibility for all the horrible, stupid thoughts I have because I know they can never be true and just arise due to the things you have done and thought, etc., before. They should be clouds in the sky, observed and let go.
                                       Emotions wrap them up in impenetrable armour and you have to live these thoughts, and have them, and be in the storm. You know these thoughts are conditioned, and that is a wonderful lesson, but they have been conditioned by the come downs from the various pollutions that you put into your body, principally from tobacco. And yet you let these thoughts arise due to your addiction to tobacco when it would be dead easy to give up the tobacco, as you have done so many hundreds of times before.
                                       The other side of the coin is the bliss. I do not any more want to talk about the bliss in this blogginess  because no one who reads this meditates, and in the face of such unfortunateness one is struck dumb.
                                    How can you have been given a mind and chosen not to meditate? You might as well have been a horse.
                                     Anyway, it's bugger all about the bliss. I'll have to live to be at least one hundred and fifty years old. All the bonds with the flatheids I know must have been broken. I thought once that when I became terminal, I could watch lots of David Attenborough shows, but the frozen caterpillar has funged me up.
                                      Stepping out from your skin into just awareness is going to be fung hard work. Meditation is a hard juju. It would be much easier just to settle with what you've got.
                                       Though it is not about the bliss, once you can access the bliss, this must give you a completely different view. There is the bliss. It's just slightly down the layer cake. Anybody can get to the bliss. But the bliss is so wonderful.
                                        I've been doing the juju with my eyes open more often because you do mahamudra  meditations  with your eyes open. It might not make much difference, though it would help you react faster when the wild dogs come round to eat you, but eventually all there was in view was the candle light, the pointy  upward light, and nothing else, is that, the cone of light. Everything else around it has melted. Some time ago when I was doing this up the allotment the object I was gazing at disappeared. I think you've not got to care.
                                       But you don't meditate. I think I only like it (apart from the bliss, etc.) because ....