Nothing to look forward to!

Sunday 11.56 a.m.
                            It occurred to me during my meditation this morning that after this week I may not have anything to look forward to. Hurrah! I hate having things to look forward to. I dread all the things that other people say they look forward to.
                            This week I have to look forward to the open grave I'm bound to fall into today since Froggy McDuck is going to show up in a couple of hours with entourage. Actually, that should be okay. After that, I have the look forward to helping the electrician fit the mirror in the bathroom and the going to the dentist on Wednesday. But after that .... no appointments!!
                            All winter I've been pinned down and forced to look forward to things. The Sanity Christmas Basturns, and so on, and so on. The up and coming visit of some relative or other.
                             So after the electrician on Monday it may be that we can see the end of the men coming to fix the flat. This has been a horrible flat to live in for ages now, but soon that might end.
                             I cannot plan my own holidays because I don't get any. I have to go to Newmains every week. This is probably just as well. Now, I don't have to look forward to going to India, which is the one thing I might actually have looked forward to!
                             If there are no up and coming appointments, there is nothing to dread. I don't have to make arrangements to go anywhere with anyone and I'm not. I just want the flatheids to leave me alone.
                              If you can't help me, just get outta my way! John Wayne.
                              The meditations this morning were so wonderful. I'm not going to try to convey this to the too dumb to meditate. I've got maybe two hours before folk arrive, so I'll hide in here from the agitation till then and meditate. And contemplate on the delights of not having anything to look forward to at all!!!!
11:30 p.m.
                               Totally sober! Froggy is a reformed character. He had a coffee in the pub. Wonderful visit. Soon the day will come when I'll be able to remember all that happens because I won't be getting pissed. Sober for five nights out of the last eight. Onward and upwards!