Wednesday 12:05 a.m.
The meditations were full on today, though I had to do them at the jobbie. Tonight I was meditating between nine and ten o clock.
It's hard to describe what's happening. So it's at the margin, and there's quite a bit of heat, or warmth.
So I hoped that I would be able to dry off wet sheets so I could impress my chum that it wasn't all what it seemed to be, that it just looked like that, and it wasn't happening they way it seemed to be happening, and that we were truly ignorant. And I did wish for the heat.
But the heat is very freaky. You can tell yourself it's just an extension. You can tell yourself whatever you like. The Greek chorus is screaming at me.
The lama: You will unleash energies you will not be able to control.
Ringu Tulku: It is quite easy to open the channels. The problem is in closing them again.You must do things in the right order.
Lama Thebten Yeshe says in the Bliss Of Inner Fire that you just have to let go. Also bad things can happen as well as good things.
This juju has always been a bit scary. It's always been at the edge. Every time there have been developments, there have been anxieties. But there is a kindness in this juju. If it's my tao to crash and burn, let's crash and burn. I hope I will not crash and burn, but I'm on this path and I don't want to get off it. There is a beneficence in this juju. There really is. It is scary, but sometimes it feel so right.
Yes, it would be much better if I was doing stuff in the right order. It would be much better if I was monk and lived down at the Samye Ling under the tutelage of Lama Yeshe.
But in this time are we going run away? Are you going to run away, Hotboy? I do not think so, Jack! I will try to be measured in my response to events, and not blow a fuse if I can avoid such a thing. But I will not run away. Hotboys don't run away from the heat! Shame about the flatheids and all, but this is experiential mysticism we're talking about here, so it should be weird and scary and whatnot. Allah Akbar!
9 comments:
Sounds to me as if your inner child is playing with matches.
Be careful.
Marie! That is good advice! When I told the lama about my inner heat experience in 2003, he told me not to force it. So I'm trying to be careful. Thanks. Hotboy
I say!
This is much more like it!
MM III
On the subject of scary juju, today I came across Mad River's Amphetamine Gazelle and High All The Time. A quote from youtube: "I last heard this 40 years ago and it scared the s*** out of me! So much so, that I eventually binned the LP. Now, I would love to hear the whole album again."
Mingin'! The reason why folk don't go and watch creekit is because it's terribly, terribly dull. That's why they all get drunk! Hotboy
Albert? Thank God I'm against all drug taking apart from home brewed beer! Hotboy
Hotters. I find home brew, mixed 50/50 with Bavarian, is the perfect balance of beer with beer in it.
Albert? Fortunately, I have renounced all alcoholic beverages! Hotboy
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." - Ernest Hemingway
Bowely! The Importance of Being Ernest. Such a fan of his. Shame about the drink rotting his brains away until he blew them out!! Still ... Hotboy
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