Back to the Bliss!

Thursday 1:20 p.m.
                            The last couple of weeks have been a wee bit difficult, but I'm well out of the woods now. Been quite a learning curve in some ways.
                             Emotions are basturns and sometimes outwith your control, or so it seems. My assumption is that if you spent six years in a cave they might be under your control, at least a whole lot more, but I'm not going to be able to do that, so I'm stuck with them. Unexpectedly feeling bereaved is not very nice.
                             Having said that, whilst doing some juju for my dead friend today, I was getting a lot of smiley reactions. It seemed to be from him or with him, but I know it was all about moi. Tony didn't die at home. He died in hospital and passed away with his daughter holding his hand. And he had some time, it seems, to consider his life and death. I'd settle for that. Most human lives don't last as long as fifty eight years, so all and all, it wasn't the worst way to go by any manner of means.

The butterfly effect is a metaphor that encapsulates the concept of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory; namely that small differences in the initial condition of a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system.


                            I'm interested in the butterfly effect as it might apply to what you're thinking and how you are thinking it. Part of the problem over the last couple of weeks has been the way I've been thinking about my jobbie and digging up past resentments and angers about it. 
                            I'm sure that almost any thought was an emotion attached to it is a lie. The classic, "I hate the basturn" is not telling you any more of the truth than "I love the basturn", although the latter is probably pleasanter.
                            Impurities in your system have a large final effect on what you're thinking, or can have. Nicotine withdrawal is a stand out in this regard. Even with a little bit of nicotine withdrawal, an almost imperceptible amount, your final thoughts will be much angrier than they would have been. This is why purification is so important and why I cannot just sit back and allow myself to be the kind of joe who drinks and smokes and takes drugs and whatnot. Eating soapbar is the best I could ever manage. 
                            Just as well you've given up the drink and drugs years ago, eh, Hotboy? Just as well, Jack!!
                            The Great Yajrayana, the Juju of Jujus, is very aspirational. And just because you are almost always bound to fail doesn't not mean that you shouldn't try to succeed. You will end up in a better situation if you try, or you should do if you try hard enough. It's the same thing that attracted me to writing.
                            The first meditation of the day lasted nearly two hours and showed great promise. This is my wonderful Thursday and it's going to be taken away from me again. I have to do something this afternoon and the Domestic Bliss will be getting ready to spend two weeks in the States tonight. She leaves the house tomorrow morning at 4 a.m. The evening before she departs is always a nightmare of agitation. Still, I've got an hour and a half before the flatheids intrude and disrupt the wonderfulness of it all. Dearie me! 
                            I've just answered the phone. I've got no time left at all. Basturns!!